After Midnight (1989)

By Jody
Score: 4/10 overall (anthology review)

Wraparound Story: "Allison's Story". A Psychology professor invites his students to his home for an all-in-good-fun extracurricular lesson on fear. The students take turns sharing a story. Meanwhile, a disgruntled ex-student has plans to show them the true meaning of fear.

Overacting, slow pacing, a bad script, and a nonsensical climax makes one anxious for the next story begin. Sadly, they aren't that great either. Score: 0/1

Segment 1: "The Old Dark House". Score: 0.5/3

Stranded by two flat tires, a married couple seek shelter and assistance from the titular abode, but there may be nefarious forces at work. This segment is plagued by bad music, bad pacing, and bad acting by Marc "Jimmy Olson" McClure.

Segment 2: "A Night on the Town". Score: 1/3

A girls' night out goes awry when they are chased by a maniac and his vicious dogs. Very dated (clothes and dialogue are pure 80's) and an improvement over the first segment, but this was mererly worthy of a resounding "meh".

Segment 3: "All Night Operator". Score: 2.5/3

A answering service operator and her actress client are terrorized by a relentless stalker. Fast-paced and suspenseful, this is easily the best segment of the three and the only one worth watching.

Overall, this anthology is boring and skipable.

Starring: Jillian McWhirtir, Pamela Aldon, Ramy Zada, Nadine Van der Velde, Marc McClure,  Penelope Sudrow, Marg Helgenberger, and Alan Rosenberg
Directed by: Jim and Ken Wheat
Budget/Gross: $3 mil / $76K
IMDB Score: 5.4/10
Tomatometer: 33% critics and 38% audiences liked it

Tales from the Crypt (1972)

By Jody
Score: 8/10 overall (anthology review)

Wraparound story: Five people stray from their tour though some catacombs and are greeted by the Cryptkeeper (a monk, rather than the wise-cracking rotted corpse that we know and love) who has a terrifying tale for each of them. Like the television series, the segments are based on the "Tales from the Crypt" and "Vault of Horror" comics. Score: +1/0

Segment #1: "And All Through the House". Score: 2/2

A woman and her daughter are being stalked by a psycho in a Santa suit, but she cannot call the police considering she's just murdered her husband. This was later remade as a Season 1 episode, one of the best of the series and the best segment of this film.

Segment #2: "Reflection of Death". Score: 0.5/2

A man pays a hefty price for having an affair. This segment has some nifty POV camerawork, but not much else to offer. It is the worst of the bunch.

Segment #3: "Poetic Justice". Score: 1.5/2

A cruel businessman gets whats coming to him after he bullies an old widower just because he wants his property. Sad and well, poetic, this is a good (but extremely British) segment that choked me up a little.

Segment #4: "Wish You Were Here". Score: 2/2

A brief but horrific segment about being careful what you wish for. Really careful. Disturbing and well-made.

Segment #5: "Blind Alleys". Score: 1/2

Residents of a home for the blind take revenge on their cruel and cheap headmaster. This one will make you cringe, but with a hint of satisfaction.

Overall, this anthology film combined its effective shorts with smooth transitions and good pacing. One of the best of its kind.

Starring: Joan Collins, Peter Cushing, Roy Dotrice, Nigel Patrick, Robin Phillips, and Ralph Rickardson as "The Crypt Keeper"
Directed by: Freddie Francis
Box Office / Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 6.9/10
Tomatometer: 86% critics and 69% audiences liked it

Two Evil Eyes (1990)

By Jody
Score: 4/10 overall (anthology review)

Wraparound story: There isn't one. A brief 10-second narration announces that the two stories are based on Edgar Allen Poe's work. Score: 0/0

Segment #1: "The Facts in the Case of Mr. Valdemar". Score: 1.5/5

George A. Romero directs another version of the classic narrative of a wife (Adrienne Barbeau) and her lover who conspire to kill the rich husband for his inheritance (but things go awry). In this case, the lover, a hypnotist, forgets to unhypnotize the old man before they off him, resulting in him staying in his trance state from beyond the grave, which ultimately leads to his zombification.

Silly, boring, and overlong at 53 minutes, this segment added fuel to the long-gestating feeling that Romero may be overrated and a one-trick pony. It felt more like a Lifetime Channel drama than a horror short.

Segment #2: "The Black Cat". Score: 2.5/5

Dario Argento directs this segment about a crime sceme photographer (Harvey Keitel) whose life takes a downward spiral after killing his girlfriends cat. Fantastic to look at visually, but unpleasant to watch. I am thankful for the large disclaimer immediately after the film ends stating that the animal protective services were present at all times and that no cats suffered physical or psychological abuse because it surely looked like they did to me. Like my previous one-trick-pony comment on Romero, all this short did was add fuel to fire of my belief that Argento is a creep.

This segment had some excellent throwbacks to Poe including the name "Usher", and every crime scene was based on his various other works. Otherwise, it too was silly and overlong (about 64 minutes), with plenty of the terrible music one would expect from an Argento film.

Starring: Adrienne Barbeau, Harvey Keitel, and Tom Atkins
Directed by: George A. Romero and Dario Argento
Budget / Gross: $9 mil / $350K
IMDB Score: 5.9/10
Tomatometer: 50% critics and 38% audiences liked it

Audition (1999)

By Jody
Score: 4/10

A widower film producer auditions young women both for a feature film and in hopes to find a new wife. Unfortunately, the perfect candidate may not be who she seems.

I chose to blog an entry for this movie in hopes that one day we will get some readers, and I can have a discussion with somebody about it. I don't get it. At all. I don't fully understand what is happening in the movie, and I don't get why this film is held in such high esteem and garnished so much praise.

During the nearly two-hour run time, NOTHING happens for an hour, then half an hour of the guy playing Columbo, then fifteen minutes of bizarre torture porn.

Actually, that's it! The torture porn aspect. This film came out 5 years before Saw, and hence all the "so unique, so different" buzz about the film I heard when it first came out. So maybe I am late to the party and would have appreciated it had I not waited so lont to watch it, but after 7 Saw films, 2 Hostel flicks and countless others, I am so over that subgenre.

Starring: Ryo Ishibashi and Eihi Shiina
Directed by: Takashi Miike
Budget/Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 7.3/10
Tomatometer: 78% critics and 80% audiences liked it

The Exorcist (1973)

By Jody
Score: 10/10

This immortal classic is the tale of the demonic possession of a 12 yr-old girl, a mother desperate to save her, a priest struggling with faith, and the triumph of good over evil.

Shockingly obscene and hoffifyingly blasphemous, this is one of the last remaining movies that still scares me. While some feel that the victory of good over evil justifies the realistic depiction of evil incarnate, others say that the power of Satan is in the celluloid itself. You decide for yourself, just be ready to be shocked and appalled at what once made people run screaming from theaters (but earned 10 Oscar nominations and 2 wins).

Starring: Linda Blair, Ellen Burstyn, Jason Miller, and Max Von Sydow

Directed by William Friedkin
Budget/Gross: $10.5 mil/ $337.5 mil
IMDB Score: 8.1/10
Tomatometer: 87% critics and 83% audiences liked it
 

Demons (1985)

By Jody
Score: 6/10

In Berlin, a group of people are offered to come to a free screening of a horror movie at the grand opening of a movie theater. As the movie starts, the patrons start to turn into demons, with the infection spreading by bite or scratch. Inexplicably trapped inside, the number of survivors dwindle as they fight for survival.

Co-written and produced by Dario Argento, this film just may be the best "so-bad-it's good" B-movie ever made. The gore and effects are incredibly over the top but so fantastic that it makes one really, really miss the practical effects that have long since been replaced by CGI.

While entirely fun and entertaining, don't expect any logical exposition or for the story to be all that cohesive. It is style over substance here, but the style is so good, the laugh-out-loud substance is forgivable. In a lot of ways, this movie is very reminiscent of the latter half of "From Dusk Til Dawn" when the characters are trapped in the bar with the demonic vampires.

The sound quality is much improved over your typical Argento production, and while the score is laden with 80's style synthesizer music, there are actually several recognizable tunes by artists such as Billy Idol and Rick Springfield littered throughout the movie.

The only regret about watching this movie was that I watched it alone. I bet it's scream to watch in a group.

Starring: Urbano Barberini, Karl Zinny, Natasha Hovey, and Fiore Argento
Directed by: Lamberto Bava
Budget/Gross: N/A
IMDB Score: 6.5/10
Tomatometer: 56% critics and 65% audiences liked it

Deep Red (1975)

By Jody
Score: 7/10

In one of Italian horror master Dario Argento's earliest films, a jazz pianist and a zealous reporter team up to investigate the brutal murder of a psychic woman. I can't help but snicker as I type that, but it isn't as silly as it sounds.

I could pretty much save an exact template for reviewing all of Argento's films. They are amazing to look at, terrible to hear, overacted, and horribly paced. This film is no exception. The camerawork and angles are masterful, creative, and atmospheric - wonderful for building tension and suspense. The elaborate and overtly gory death scenes are always different and fun. There was a particular death scene that chilled me to the core and gave me goosebumps.

Unfortunately, the terrible, terrible sound in his movies distract from the great visuals. For one, the sound mixing is extremely poor with fluctuating volume levels. The dubbing is never done well (even when the using the same language in post-production), and the screeching music is always hard on the ears. In this film, the two main characters inexplicably and non-contextually switch back and forth between English and Italian mid-scenes.

Lastly, somebody needs to give the man an editor. Sweeping landscape and exterior shots in every scene, added at least 10 minutes to the 2 hour run time. Basic standard trimming of shots could have cut another 10 making a perfect 1:40 run time (for which I would have scored the film higher).

Despite these negatives, this is a very good film. You either are an Argento fan, or you aren't. In the case of this film, the positives outweigh the negatives.

Starring: David Hemmings, Daria Nicolodi, and Gabriele Lavia
Directed by: Dario Argento
Budget/Gross: N/A
IMDB Score: 7.6/10
Tomatometer: 100% critics and 84% audiences liked it

31 Days of Halloween 2012

By Jody.

My annual ritual of watching at least (but not limited to) one horror/holiday-themed movie for every day of the month. The only rules are to watch at least 16 films I have never seen each year and to keep the average score above 6 (forces me to not watch only garbage titles).



1. Deep Red (1976) 7/10
2. Martyrs (2008) - 6/10
3. The Exorcist (1973) - 10/10
4. Demons (1985) - 6/10
5. Silver Bullet (1985) - 7/10
6. The Haunting (2009) - 5/10
7. Detention (2012) - 8/10
8. Cabin in the Woods (2012) - 9/10
9. Silent Hill (2006) - 5/10
10. Frankenweenie (2012) - 9/10
11. Dead Alive (1992) - 7/10
12. Re-Animator (1985) - 8/10
13. Rosemary's Baby (1968) - 9/10
14. Sinister (2012) - 7/10
15. Lady in White (1988) - 7/10
16. Audition (1999) - 4/10
17. Stakeland (2010) - 6/10
18. Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987) - 6/10
19. Paranormal Activity (2009) - 8/10
20. Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) - 6/10
21. Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) - 8/10
22. Paranormal Activity 4 (2012) - 5/10
23. Two Evil Eyes (1990) - 4/10
24. Tales from the Crypt (1972) - 8/10
25. Troll 2 (1990) - 5/10
26. The Host (2006) - 6/10
27. Train (2009) - 3/10
28. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) - 7/10
29. A Tale of Two Sisters (2003) - 7/10
30. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) - 6/10
31. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) - 4/10
32. Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) - 4/10
33. The Lost Boys (1987) - 9/10
34. The Lost Boys: The Tribe (2008) - 4/10
35. The Lost Boys: The Thirst (2010) - 3/10
36. I Saw The Devil (2010) - 8/10
37. Rifftrax Live: Birdemic - Shock and Terror (2012) - 7/10
38. [Rec] (2007) - 8/10
39. [Rec]2 (2009) - 5/10
40. [Rec]3: Genesis (2012) - 5/10
41. Fun Size (2012) - 6/10
42. Inside (2007) - 8/10
43. After Midnight (1989) - 4/10
44. ATM (2012) - 6/10
45. Dance of the Dead (2008) - 6/10
46. The Pit (1981) - 5/10
47. Children of the Corn (1984) - 5/10
48. Halloween (1978) - 10/10
49. Silent Hill: Revelation (2012) - 4/10
50. Scarecrows (1988) - 2/10
51. Trick 'R Treat (2009) - 10/10

31 Films in 31 Days by Greg

It is that time of the year again. The air gets crisp, leaves change their color and the movies are Horror and Halloween based, yep its October and 31 Films in 31 Days has begun. Of course last year, I surpassed 31 films with 36, I hope to do the same with even more.

1. Ghostbusters (1984) 8/10
2. Halloween (1978) 10/10
3. Undead (2003) 7/10
4. Of Unknown Origin 5/10
5. Identity (2003) 6/10
6. The Blob (1988) 5/10
7. Aahh!! Zombies!! (2007) 5/10
8. The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005) 6/10
9. Creepshow (1982) 7/10
10. Monster House (2006) 8/10
11. Night of the Living Dead (1990) 7/10
12. In the Mouth of Madness (1994) 7/10
13. Hotel Transylvania (2012) 6/10
14. Silent Hill (2006) 5/10
15. Sinister (2012) 7/10
16. Rubber (2010) 5/10 
17. Hocus Pocus (1993) 6/10
18. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) 3/10
19. Detention (2012) 8/10
20. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) 10/10
21. Friday the 13th (1980) 9/10
22. Donnie Darko (2001) 7/10
23. Suspiria (1977) 8/10
24. Ed Gein: The Butcher of Plainfield (2007) 2/10
25. Children of the Corn (1984) 7/10
26. Troll 2 (1990) 1/10* for horror, 6/10 for pop culture brillance
27. Best Worst Movie (2009) 7/10 * documentary about Troll 2 popularity
28. The Host (2006) 6/10
29. Troll Hunter (2010) 8/10
30. The Unborn (2003) 5/10
31. Birdemic (2012) with Rifftrax 4/10 - without Rifftrax 0/10
32. Prom Night (2008) 3/10
33. Teeth (2007) 6/10
34. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2007) 8/10
35. Carrie (1976) 9/10
36. Coraline (2009) 7/10

It started off hot and then the last few days of October things just got super busy. But I did match last years 36 different movies. I did achieve a dream of watching the original 1978 Halloween on the BIG screen. Quite the delight. Next year, going bigger and better. Afterall it will the the 13th year in millenium, 2013. Maybe a Friday the 13th MEGA-marathon.

The Avengers (1998)

By Greg
Score 3/10

With Marvel's The Avengers in theaters currently and dominating with the brilliance of Joss Whedon at the helm. I felt like I should visit another The Avengers. The remake of the popular 60's television show with the same name.

When British intelligence agent John Steed (Ralph Fiennes) investigates a murder and Dr. Emma Peel (Uma Thurman) is a suspect and wanting to defend her innocence. The two join forces as The Avengers and seek out to bring down the recent threat of world domination from a weather producing machine created by Sir August de Wynter (Sean Connery, I know, why Sean, WHY?). That there is enough to figure out the movie, with the assistance of the trailer, which gives a lot of the visual eye candy. A well versed film-goer knows how this will all play out. Good v. evil, spy v. world dominator (i.e. any of James Bonds 25 films) it doesn't lack imagination, just originality.

It is a remake, which isn't always bad, but the chemistry wasn't there. Sean Connery is a cinematic legend of being a good guy, the hero. This film depicts him as, well, stupid and cheesy. Which also applies to the film on the whole, cheesy. Cliched one liners, over dramatic acting, the actors tried, director tried, just wasn't enough. Loads of cinematic eye candy, but it too falls flat. The only way I see how this happened was, studio had this brilliant idea for a remake, had the money, latest cutting edge technology and people were just left to make scenes, but no a cohesive film.

Jump 14 years into the future, Joss Whedon's brilliance, with the help of an army. Created a cinematic masterpiece that was 50 years in the making, Marvel's The Avengers. Tackling characters that also were legends in the 60's, except even though the idea wasn't original, watching the film is satisfying from start to finish. The Avengers (1998) not really satisfying at all, except just to see Sir Sean Connery on the screen, even though it was a crappy role, he still shined.

Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman and Sean Connery
Directed by: Jeremiah S. Chechik
Budget/Gross: $60,000,000 (estimated)/$23,322,832 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 3.5/10
Tomatometer: 14% critics and 18% audience liked it

Captain America (1990)
Score: 1/10

Felt compelled to find this cinematic gem with the arrival of Avenger in theatres.

Before Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) or the current box office hit, Avengers. There was the 1990 release of Captain America. It wasn't bad, it was horrible. At times I thought of going to the cabinet to retrieve some crackers and wine due to all the cheese in this film. Not just the low budget special effects or the costume that looked like a rental, but the lighting, the dialogue, the whole package was bad. There is no wonder that the 90's struggled with comic book related films, this piece of stench started it off and marred the playing field for this sub-genre. Fortunately, by the end of the decade fans would have word of an X-Men film and Spider-Man, set for film creation.

The film did try, earning that 1 out of 10. They did have a a decent supporting cast, with the likes of: Ned Beatty, Darren McGavin and Ronny Cox, plus a few other select people. It wasn't enough to save the film, hokey sets, bad dialogue, etc. I'm trying to spin positive, but Matt Salinger who played Captain America/Steve Rogers was more amateur actor than professional. He looked uncomfortable and it was hard to believe him at times. For anyone unfamiliar with the story of Cap, here is a short version:

Weakling wants to be soldier during World War II; volunteers for experimental serum for super soldier, it works, fights Nazis, especially his arch enemy the Red Skull(played by Scott Paulin, in this film), gets frozen in ice, thawed, culture shock worse than Austin Powers, and fights Red Skull again in his present form, in this film he's a mob boss/arms dealer with plans to kidnap the president.

It was a super failed attempt on this awesome superhero. He works on paper, but cinema has struggled to bring this American gem alive, mostly the costume hinders things. But I will say this, Avengers did it. All-around every character came to life, from page to screen, even the hardest, the Incredible Hulk is great.

Go see it.

NOW!

Starring: Matt Salinger, Scott Paulin, Ned Beatty, Darren McGavin, Ronny Cox and Melinda Dillon
Directed by: Albert Pyun
Budget/Gross:Unknown
IMDB Rating: 2.9/10
Tomatometer: 11% critics and 20% audience liked it

Highlander III: The Final Dimension (1993)

By Greg
Score: 2/10

When it comes to sequels, you pretty much know what you're going to get. Similar characters to a story you're already familiar with. This film is of no exception, esspecially when the first film states "There can be only one." Highlander (1986) is a classic cult 80's film starring Christopher Lambert and Sean Connery. Its not the greatest film, but it does make for an entertaining story of man who can't die, labeled an immortal, and then ultimately must fight against other immortals, until there can be only one. There are good immortals and bad immortal, Connor MacLeod is the victor and ultimately is the only one. Five years later Highlander II: The Quickening is released, nothing to do with the previous film, except Lambert and Connery return in the future when the world's ozone layer is depleated, this film will be reviewed at another time. Final we have number III.

The Final Dimension.

Alas, the film starts off muddled with a slight retelling of the origin of Connor MacLeod or his alias Russell Nash. And after becoming an immortal and losing his mentor (Connery in the first tale), he travels to seek out a mystic/sorcerer and learn the art of illusion and how to survive being an immortal, of course in the first its his immortality and longevity of experience that helps him to retain his head. Only new villain Kane (Mario Van Peebles) and two similar Mongolian looking goons, also want to acquire the secret of illusion from this mystic, taking his head and gaining his powers, this is the way of in this world of immortality. Sever the head and you get their power.  Of course, Kane beheads Nakano the mystic, obtains his power of illusion and he and his two goons are then caught in an avalanche and consequently frozen. Very much like a soap opera, the film was.

Jumping into present day, Nash, thinking he was "The One" now has  the feeling of yet another immortal. Which then contradicts the first film, very much soap opera mentality. Was for money, obviously, but truly whatever it was to make this installment, the idea failed. Its pretty standard, crazy illusions created by Kane to trap MacLeod, sword fighting, love interest cause drama, more sword fighting, kid gets captured to lure MacLeod, final sword fighting. Not much redeeming with this one, if you like lousy sword fighting, Mario Van Peebles or Christopher Lambert, this film is all you. Otherwise, there are much better sword fighting immortals, like the first Highlander, made in 1986. Its the only one you need, with a musical score by "Queen" can't go wrong.

Starring: Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Deborah Kara Unger and Mako
Directed by: Andrew Morahan
Budget/Gross:  $26,000,000 (estimated)/$36,800,000 (Worldwide)
IMDB Rating: 4.0/10
Tomatometer: 5% critics and 39% audience liked it

The Broken (2009)

By: Jody
Score: 5/10

Doppelgangers are the subject of this Lynch-ian (with a dash of Hitchcock) After Dark Horrorfest 3 movie. After seeing someone identical to herself drive past, the protagonist (Lena Headey)  follows the woman only to get into a horrible car accident.

Still recuperating, she is haunted by visions of this mystery woman and memories that she can't be certain are her own. To top it off, her loved ones around her seem to have changed as well. Is she losing her mind or are there more sinister goings on?

The atmospheric but painfully slow first hour of the film make the 93-minute run time feel like two hours, but the last 30 minutes pack a wallop. While not entirely fitting in the After Dark collection, there are far worse films to waste 90 minutes on..... assuming you can't get your hands on a David Lynch or Alfred Hitchcock movie.

Starring: Lena Headey and Richard Jenkins
Directed by: Sean Ellis
Budget / Gross: $6.3 mil / Info Not Available (Festival and Direct-to-DVD Release)
IMDB Score: 5.5/10
Tomatometer: 44% critics and 26% audiences liked it

House Party (1990)

By Greg
Score: 7/10
With a film like "Project X" currently out in cinemas, I felt like looking up a classic party film. Of course starting off the 90's decade was "House Party" featuring the high stylings of rap artists Kid n Play. Simple story told and retold when it comes to party films. Parents go out of town, get some friends and have a party. Of course hi jinks ensue, bullies (Rap Artists- Full Force) want to punish these cool kids and Kid (Christopher Reid) is grounded and forbidden to go to the party.

But this is the party worth risking permanent grounding from his Pop(Robin Harris). Girls are going to be there, plus he and his best bud Play(Christopher Martin) are hosting this fiesta at Play's house. Bilal(Martin Lawerence) is going to DJ the event and girls Sidney (Tisha Campbell) and Sharane(A.J. Johnson) have their eyes on Kid and Play, and vice-versa.

The film has all the staple events with a party film, music, dancing, police, irate neighbors and parents. The film has good direction and its the subtle humor, especially from Harris, is one to watch when he is on screen. The music is also something also to admire, rap/hip hop isn't anything that I normally listen to, but its quintessential in this film. So the live action rap cuts from Kid 'n Play are worth checking out. It spawned two sequels and a cartoon series, yet to be checked out. For party films, this is probably in the top ten, simply it follows predecessors but is also stand out all on its own.



Starring: Christopher 'Kid' Reid, Christopher 'Play' Martin, Tisha Campbell, A.J. Johnson and Martin Lawerence
Directed by: Reginald Hudlin
Budget/Gross: $2,500,000 (estimated)/$26,386,000 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 5.8/10
Tomatometer: 96% critics and 73% audience liked it

The Stupids (1996)

By Greg
Score 2/10

The title says it all, Stupid. It is exactly how I felt as a viewer. The film left  me with a stupid feeling and maybe even a little dumber afterwards. Although I can say director John Landis, yes the same John Landis that directed such classics as "Animal House," "Blues Brothers," "An American Werewolf in London" and "Twilight Zone:The Movie (Prologue and 1st Segment)" along with many other successful films. This was a failure, maybe he made it for sentimental family reasons or he fell beneath a spell of stupidity along with all that were connected with this movie.

The film is about a family called "The Stupids" and is based off of a children's book. Father, Stanley (Tom Arnold), mother, Joan (Jessica Lundy), son, Buster (Bug Hall), and daughter, Petunia (Alex McKenna), make up this family of dim-witted, ignorant, and just plain densely stupid family. Of course, like many cartoon characters or dim-witted live action characters, their stupidity leads them down a direction of enough left turns make a right turn. So enough stupid acts will make a smart, crime solving act. Starts off real slow with father Stanley pusueing the person who is stealing his garbage. Slightly picks up pace, with the family searching for Stanley. Ultimatley there is a weapons deal that gets busted by the Stanleys, its just a stupid train wreck for 88minutes, even at one point Tom Arnold sings "I'm my own grandpa." The film was dense from start to finish and is an epic fail.

It is a family oriented film, that would waste a family night of film viewing from an actual enjoyable film. How many families suffered this piece of cinematic stupidity. I don't mean to be harsh, but it was crap. Why John Landis, I looked up to you? Why? This is a similar feeling I had to Blues Brother 2000, WHY?

Only saving grace of the film and why it didn't get a more deserved 1 out of 10. Cameos, not just film stars, but film directors. David Cronenberg (The Fly and Videodrome), Costa-Gavras (Missing and Z), Robert Wise (Sound of Music, Star Trek:The Motion Picture and The Day the Earth Stood Still[1951] ), and Atom Egoyan (The Sweet Hereafter and Exotica), just to name a few. Noticing Robert Wise, who played the neighbor to the Stupids, is what tipped it off. As the credits rolled, it was name after name of cinematic recognition.
Some standout actor cameos, Christopher Lee (Master of Villainy) and Bob Keeshan(Captain Kangaroo) both play different versions of the character called Mr. Sender, because Stanley Stupid thought he discovered a conspiracy theory when he worked for the U.S. postal service, "Return to Sender." Who is Sender? Why does he get so much mail? Stupid.

Starring: Tom Arnold, Jessica Lundy, Bug Hall and Alex McKenna
Directed by: John Landis
Budget/Gross: $25,000,000 (estimated)/$2,415,593 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 3.8/10
Tomatometer: 21% critics and 34% audience liked it

From Within (2009)

By Jody
Score: 5/10

In this After Dark Horrorfest Year 3 entry, a string of suicides plague a small town. When a suicide occurs, the next closest person in proximity to the victim is the next to do it, and so the chain continues throughout the film.

....Or are they really suicides....

With a startling open and a haunting conclusion, this is worth a watch despite its flaws, the most notable of which is poor pacing. The film also has a rather silly but forgivable detour about emo witches vs. religious fanatic psychos, neither of which group (Christians or Wicca) are portrayed fairly (only extremists on both sides are characterized).

Sometimes no exposition is the lesser evil between that and bad exposition, but at least it has a better explanation than M. Night Shayamalan's "The Happening" trees.

Starring: Thomas Dekker, Elizabeth Rice, Kelly Blatz, Rumer Willis, and Adam Goldberg
Directed by: Phedon Papamichael
Budget / Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 5.6/10
Tomatometer: 60% critics and 41% audiences liked it

Empire Records (1995)

By Greg
Score 4/10

The film is a slice of 1995. It incorporates so much that was happening to the teen scene in the middle of the decade. It was a gluttonous time to be a teen in America. I was at my pinnacle, 17, ahhhh.... to be that age. Half my life ago this film emerged and when I watched it amongst friends, it had a lot of what my life felt like. Not fitting in, except with friends. Feeling alone, like I'm the only one dealing with insecurities. Or having friends that are acting or doing things, from which I didn't approve of, i.e. drugs, sexual promiscuity and anti-authority. Sure, maybe in 1995 I was a bit of a wallflower or led a sheltered life, but I love life and I enjoyed 1995. This film I was eager to watch again for the focus on 90's cinema.
But now, it wasn't the same. Am I too old or maybe, since I'm married and have kids, has that changed my outlook. No, its just I'm more versed in cinema. This movie is weak, it does have character development, but so did "Friends" and that was just a half hour, sure a sitcom, but told better stories.

The film takes place at a record store named, title of film, Empire Records all in one day. It incorporates teens from all walks of life, making them best friends/co-workers and utilize this music store as their personal playground. Young at heart boss Joe (Anthony LaPagalia), must stop this place from going commercial and keep this piece of music Americana alive.

The problems the teens experience in the film, are what most teens with angst felt at a given time in their life, even some just for a day. The girl who is sexually charged to the max, because she wants to feel appreciated, the girl who is so pretty and has everything, only to succumb to be known as speed freak, the artsy kid who needs to reveal his crush, the girl who has the weight of the world on her shoulders alone and attempted suicide only because she wanted attention. Finally big boss Joe, who must break free of his chains/the corporate man, only to become his own boss.

Its jumbled and messy, the flow is there, but falls apart due to annoyance and too many story lines. It is hard to take the actors seriously during the more dramatic moments. The soundtrack which was decent, could have been better, much better, especially one that had a setting in a record store. The film more or less is like these young actors cutting their teeth in the business. Several of the actors went on to bigger and better things, so clearly this film didn't ruin their careers, it was a stepping stone along the way.

P.S. - A much better film, similar with struggling teens trying to find identification within their society, and not as pretentious, is SubUrbia. Will be reviewed at a later date.

Starring: Anthony LaPagalia, Rory Cochrane, Robin Tunney, Renee Zelwegger, Ethan Embry and Liv Tyler
Directed by: Alan Moyle
Budget/Gross: n/a / $303,841 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 6.4/10
Tomatometer: 24% critics and 83% audience liked it

Autopsy (2009)

By Jody
Score: 4/10

In this After Dark Horrorfest Year 3 entry, a group of friends have an accident and are taken away to a remote hospital that is a front for sinister experiments and generally sadistic goings on.

This film is seriously flawed right out of the gates. A 5-minute montage of the cast partying at Mardi Gras substitutes for character development. The script deals out in spades every stupidity and bad horror movie cliche known to man, the kind that make you want to yell at the screen. The viewer should also prepare themselves for bad dialogue and one-liners that include "Bleed out, bitch!" after an arm is severed.

Also, it is sad to see Jenette Goldstein, who plays a psychotic nurse, give such a bizarre, over-the-top performance, thereby tarnishing my memories of her as such a badass in "Aliens" and "Near Dark".

All of these criticisms aside, I have some love to rain down on this strange little film. For one, it didn't bore me. That's so crucial. I will forgive many things as long as I am entertained. What stands out even more, however, and this is huuuuuuuugeeeeeee......

This film used (perhaps exclusively) real, good old-fashioned practical effects and gore rather than CGI, and they are great effects too. Two scenes in particular, made my jaw drop, but to say any more would spoil it. I wouldn't really know how to describe it anyway.

As a serious film reviewer, I couldn't justify giving this movie more than 2 stars out of 5, but I suspect my teenage self 20 years ago would've been a huge fan.

Starring: Robert Patrick, Jenette Goldstein, Jessica Lowndes, and Michael Bowen
Directed By: Adam Gierasch
Budget Gross: $4 mil / Festival and Direct-to-DVD Release
IMDB Score: 5.0/10
Tomatometer: N/A Critics and 27% Audiences liked it

The Graves (2010)

By Jody.
Score: 2/10

In one of the absolute worst After Dark Horrorfest films (one of the Year 4 entries), sisters Abby and Megan Graves (hence, "The Graves") go on one last road trip before they split up to go to different colleges. They stop at at tourist attraction where there are assaulted by the locals for increasingly stupid and inexplicable reasons.

This is an obnoxious film that is the result of a 13-year old boy trapped in the body of a 50-year old comic book writer who gets his buddies together (along with a hand full of heavy metal musicians and horror genre icons) to try his hand at directing a film that I am quite certain they are convinced is quite clever.

This is a very sloppily shot and edited film, and the script and dialogue are just simply awful. Bill Moseley tried his best and is the only silver lining in this toxic cloud. Tony Todd gives an absolutely embarrassing performance, the worst of his career.

The only reason to watch this movie is if you want to be able to say, "I've watched every After Dark Horrorfest movie." Or if you are a prepubescent boy who likes to see girls in tank tops and big boobs getting chased around by rednecks. To each their own.

Starring: Clare Grant, Jillian Murray, Bill Moseley, and Tony Todd
Directed by: Brian Pulido
Budget / Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 3.6/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 13% audiences liked it

Nothing But Trouble (1991)

By Greg
3/10

Continuing on with a 1990's John Candy theme, we come to this odd tale from 1991. Directed and Screenplay by Dan Aykroyd, its a tale of some city slickers who are stopped for running a stop sign. Instead of just writing them a ticket, Dennis (John Candy) a Deputy for the City of Valkenheiser, has New Yorkers, Chris Thorne (Chevy Chase) and Diane Lightson (Demi Moore), follow them to the mansion/dump of the Judge Alvin 'J.P.' Valkenheiser. Where no one leaves and its nothing but trouble for all who enter.

Its a twisted, dark comedy where the talent goes wasted, the scenery is catchy in the "fun" house, but cliche at best. The house from "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" had more substance, this house tried but was just disturbing, with goofy slides, trap doors, booby traps, etc. John Candy also played Dennis's sister Eldona, she is mute and is set to wed Chris. Candy in drag worked in other films, this was just waste of his talent. Moore still looked healthy before she went on to gain muscle for G.I. Jane and then transition to an unhealthy super skinny look for Ashton Kutcher, this was a prime time for her, this film was a failure for her. Chevy Chase and Aykroyd are no stranger to films that don't reach there potential, but the film couldn't even be saved by Tupac Shakur, who made a cameo with other rap stars at the time.

One more odd thing about the film, I couldn't find it for the Tomatometer ratings on rottentomatoes.com. All that came up was a classic Laurel and Hardy film. The film is hidden from Rotten Tomatoes, that or no one liked it.
I could jabber on and on about this lackluster film. The film did win a Razzie Award for Best supporting actor: Dan Aykroyd and was nominated for a few more.
The film was on, it was free and it had many actors I enjoy to watch. Thankfully I'll never have to endure this torture again.
Also, I do like the poster I found

Directed by: Dan Aykroyd
Starring: Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, John Candy and Dan Aykroyd
Budget/Gross: $40,000,000 (estimated)/$8,479,793 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 4.2/10
Tomatometer: N/A

Canadian Bacon (1995)

By Greg
Score 5/10

This was to be the final film that was released starring John Candy. After his death, Wagons East was a disappointment, so I think with strategy this film was released a year later. It flopped and bombed huge. I felt it was the better of his last films.

Candy stars as Sheriff Bud Boomer, after losing his job at a nearby weapons factory, he and Honey (Rhea Perlman) a deputy, patrol around the Niagara Falls for possible jumpers. The duo receives extra money if they jump. Meanwhile in Washington D.C., the President (Alan Alda) is at his lowest rating, so he wants to boost his image as President. He states that America needs another war, peace has been declared with Russia, and everyone else seems to like America. His advisor, Stu Smiley (Kevin Pollack) see a news broadcast where havoc ensued after Sheriff Boomer said that Canadian beer was horrible. This sparks the interest for America to be at war with Canada.

So off we go with Honey and Boomer, trying to do their part with this new terror to America, Canada. Plenty of Canadian jokes and cameos by Dan Aykroyd (Canadian born), Steven Wright, Rip Torn, James Belushi, Wallace Shawn, and even Michael Moore. Canadian Bacon takes the viewer into a possible conflict with our neighbor to the north. With the craziness of Sheriff Boomer and his band of rebels, will they create a real war with Canada, where the President just wanted attention, so he can boost his acceptance ratings with Americans. Only time will tell, aye.

 What does succeed as a good political satire, fails as a comedy? At moments it feels too preachy and the jokes just had bad timing. Moore later succeeded with political driven documentaries, and truthfully, I enjoyed it better the second go around. Back in 1995, a friend rented it, we watched and felt cheated. This was John Candy's last film and it was only mildly funny.

As time as progressed over the last 16 years, this film aged nice. It does have good jokes, good humor and it pokes fun at what Moore likes to have fun with; Corporate America, George Bush, political propaganda, etc. It just doesn't flow nicely, it trips over itself, becomes jumbled and takes itself too seriously. (The political preachy-ness) Even though, it was a flop, Moore did take it hard, but has rallied back with a two Oscar nominations in Documentary and even a win for "Bowling for Columbine." He does have a gift, I hope he does come back for another go at fiction film making. Contradictions, indeed, watch this film, that's how it left me, with contradictions.


Starring: John Candy, Alan Alda, Rhea Perlman and Kevin Pollack
Directed by: Michael Moore
Budget/Gross: $11,000,000 (estimated)/ $178,104
IMDB Rating: 5.7/10
Tomatometer: 14% critics and 49% audience liked it

Wagons East! (1994)

By Greg
Score 2/10

Wagon's East will forever be known as the last film that John Candy acted in, that is the only thing this film had going for it. The film was so horrible. It has very few redeeming qualities and even John Candy wasn't in his "A" game.

The film's story is simple,  various individuals, a doctor, a banker, prostitute and seller of eccentic things, no this is not the beginning of a joke, are not "fitting in" in the Wild West. These misfits want to head back east. They hire rugged James Harlow (John Candy) to be the wagon master and lead this group of western oddballs east. Indeed the journey does have perils; they encounter Sioux Indians, who help guide them back east because the Indians believe this could become a trend. A railroad tycoon reads about these westerners leaving so he sets the cavalry out and hires a lone outlaw to stop them before they reach St. Louis. This would prevent any embarrassment or prevent future settlers.
  Plenty of small historical jokes, for example: the group begins to fear Harlow because he supposedly led the Donner Party. For anyone unaware of the Donner story, they were settlers trapped in a mountain pass, forced to begin cannibalism for survival. Sophomoric jokes that should have been left out, for instance, one of the men has sexual feelings for a cow, cliched penis jokes and homophobia. In the right context, they could have been funny, this film they fell flat. The film did have potential, but it fell on the behind the scenes, writer, director or producer. Had great scenary, a cast capable of good or even great things and the story isn't horrible, just tweaking.

Truthfully, I would recommend 'Blazing Saddles" it was directed better, had better actors, the comedic timing was there. Wagons East! wanted to be a new Saddles, but it will only live on as the last film that had the acting greatness of John Candy. He did pass away on set and required a body double to finish scenes. The studio, director and producer could blame his passing for the film not reaching total potential, but I don't think anyone or thing could save this film.

Starring: John Candy, Richard Lewis, John C. McGinley and Robert Picardo
Directed by: Peter Markle
Budget/Gross: N/A / $4,358,940 (USA)
IMDB Rating:
Tomatometer: 0% Critics and 32% audience liked it

The Quest (1996)

By Greg
Score 5/10

A pleasant surprise after the disaster of a film "Street Fighter" was. This is the film that SF should have been, and even Mortal Kombat could have been. Truly nothing special but it did have humor and fun than the typical kickboxing/martial arts film where winner takes all. At times its almost mocking the genre, which was why it rated higher for me.

Jean-Claude Van Damme play Chris Dubois, a pick-pocket in NYC during the roaring 20's. He is kidnapped by gun smugglers, sold by pirates to the kickboxing underworld. The prates are led by Lord Dobbs (Roger Moore, yes, James Bond himself, a pirate) and his sidekick Harry(Jack McGee) who sell Chris to Khao(Aki Aleong) a master kick boxer who has dealings within the underworld of kickboxing. Now JCVD/Chris must fight for his freedom, the prized "Golden Dragon" and his life. Along the way we meet a prized boxer Maxie(James Remar) and Carrie(Janet Gunn), a reporter following him to tell the tale of the forbidden journey or quest, along with Dobbs and Harry, they give aid to Chris when it comes time to face the variety of combatants from around the world. Uultimately Chris must fight Khan, a Mongolian fighter that is crushing the competition.

The story is weak, but its a kick boxer film and they tend not to have too much substance. The does have a nice mix with a Jackie Chan film with the adventure that James Bond had when Roger Moore was at the helm. It does have humor and differs from the stereotypical guide lined fighter story. The direction is there and was given by the star, Jean-Claude having duel roles of star and director. The typical pitfalls are there, but the around the world fighters for the underground fight to the death, is reminiscent to Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat, they come from all walks of life, wanting to be the one. If only SF/MK broke away from their respective cartoony ways and went a bit darker like The Quest or the many of the other fighting/martial arts films, I would have given them a better rating and they may have made sequels. Ohh.. wait both SF and MK have sequels, but not Quest. Let me ask JCVD about that.

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Roger Moore, Jack McGee and James Remar
Directed by: Jean-Claude Van Damme
Budget/Gross: $30,000,000 (estimated) / $57,400,547 (Worldwide)
IMDB Rating: 4.9/10
Tomatometer: 14% critics and 42% audience liked it

Lake Mungo (2010)

By Jody

Score: 6/10

After the drowning of their teenage daughter, a family experiences paranormal activity in their home.  The documentary format is used, and the viewer is told that this is a retelling of actual events (not true, but more on that later). This was one of the After Dark Horrorfest IV selections. 

Amid the rising fad of paranormal entity films and television shows, this Australian film sets itself apart by acknowledging the fact that much of the” unexplainable”  is actually very explainable either by science or hoax.  Both sides of the equation are examined, and the film questions the validity of paranormal research, psychics, and the existence of spirits.

Also, all performances were fantastic and really convincing, and the news archive footage and interview footage was extremely effective (for about two-thirds of the movie, but again, more on that later). It was all so real and well-done that waiting for the “This is a work of fiction…” disclaimer at the end credits was necessary to determine/validate its authenticity (which became suspect due to the film’s climax).

This film u-turns too many times, resulting in a serious disconnect with the viewer.  To add insult to injury, these u-turns erode the narrative cohesiveness, resulting in doubt and frustration with the film.   It’s disappointing when a film is doing something cool and different and then backpedals into the mundane. 

While this isn’t necessarily a criticism of the film itself, it was a very out-of-place Horrorfest entry as all of the chills are psychological in nature rather than the standard violence and gore one come to expect from these films.  Ultimately, this Aussie chiller starts very strong and spirals into “pretty good”.

Starring: Rosie Traynor, David Pledger, and Martin Sharpe

Directed by: Joel Anderson

Budget / Gross: $1,490,000 / Festival and Direct-to-Dvd release

IMDB Score: 6.1/10

Tomatometer: 93% critics and 60% audiences liked it

Dread (2010)

By: Jody
Score: 5/10

Finally, we have an After Dark Horrorfest entry based on the work of one of horror's greats as this film is an adaptation of a Clive Barker Book of Blood short story (not much of a Barker fan myself; I much prefer Stephen King). It's nice to give these these films some clout, and hopefully they will continue to get made.

Anyway, this entry features film students whose final project is a documentary on what frightens people. Unfortunately, one of those said students is a psychopath who embarks on a project of his own: locking the subjects away with the things that they fear the most.

This is a well-made film with good performances from the male leads - the dominant psycho Shaun Evans and the submissive and awkward Jackson Rathbone (of "Twilight" fame). If this sounds like I am implying homoerotic subtext, I am - which is par for the course when watching or reading Barker.

Unfortunately, this film is very cruel and unsettling and just downright unpleasant to watch. It is a good fit for the Horrorfest lineup and for hardcore horror fans tired of the standard fare. All others should avoid this film.

Starring: Jackson Rathbone, and Shaun Evans
Directed by: Anthony DiBlasi
Budget/Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 5.7/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 45% audiences liked it

Dying Breed (2009)

By: Jody
Score: 6/10

One of the After Dark Horrorfest III selections, this Aussie chiller is actually semi non-fiction, based on two pieces of actual Tasmanian history and folklore:

In the 1800's, Alexander "The Pieman" Pearce was hung for cannibalism, and the film proposes that his descendants follow the tradition to this day. Also, hunting expeditions for the thought-to-be-extinct Tasmanian tiger still happen to this day.

Many hikers and hunters have gone missing with no remains ever found. Were they eaten by Pearce's great-great grandchildren? Devoured by a ferocious tiger? Either way, it doesn't look good for the film's protagonists who are on an expedition to capture photographs of the elusive kitty while looking for one their sisters who disappeared eight years ago doing the same.

Solid production values, sweeping landscapes, and fast pacing offset predictability and the standard recycled fare of every other horror film on earth featuring in-bred cannibals and obnoxious alpha-male lead characters. The climax borders on hokum, but it is a fun ride getting there.

Starring: Nathan Phillips, Leigh Whannell, and Billie Brown
Directed by: Jody Dwyer
Budget / Gross: $3,185,000 / $557,797
IMDB Score: 5.4/10
Tomatometer: 50% critics and 28% audiences liked it

Street Fighter (1994)

By Greg
Score 2/10
Another failed attempt for Hollywood to make a video game franchise into cinematic gold. The casting was there, but never found a good stronghold. The concept of the video game is simple, fighters around the world, compete against each other until they reach the final boss, M. Bison. Once he's defeated they get the title of champion. Plus they came this game created the fighting game craze in the 90's. (That could be debated) The film doesn't differ much from the video game with character basis, but gave the character's more dimension. Instead of just being a random warrior, they were individuals either good joining sides with good, an army led by Col. Guile (Jean-Claude Van Damme) or bad, in the country Shadaloo led by tyrannical Dictator M. Bison (Raul Julia).
Changes to the character design from video game to film; E. Honda in video game: Sumo wrestler, film: heavy set camera guy for Chun-Li, who is a reporter, not a policewoman as in the video game.
Not much can be said, its frustrating even to write about. It was just sad knowing that this is Raul Julia's last film, so much potential but he amde the best of what was given to him. At least he'll live on as Gomez Addams.
The film is just weak from start to finish. Special effects were meager for the technology available in 1993-94. The make-up for the Blanka character is juvenile and I've seen better in high school musical productions. With the classic good versus evil storyline, with dumb and obvious plot structure. Writer de Souza should have stayed with writing traditional action movies and not try his hand at something doomed to fail.

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Raul Julia, Ming-Na Wen and Kylie Minogue
Directed by: Steven E. de Souza
Budget/Gross: $35,000,000 (estimated)/ $105,414,729 (Worldwide, 2004)
IMDB Rating: 3.4/10
Tomatometer: 13% critics and 24% audience liked it

Scream of the Banshee (2011)

By Jody. Score: 2/10

In another (and hopefully last) After Dark Horrorfest – SyFy Channel collaboration, an archeology professor and her students are mysteriously sent an ancient gauntlet that is the key opening an ancient box (which they just happen upon behind a rotting wall for no reason) that contains (gasp!) the severed head of a banshee who when screams, all who hear are doomed to be haunted until they themselves scream themselves to death.

No, I am not making any of this up.

In similar fashion to the “51” review, I will say that once again, they hired a competent cinematographer, but in this movie, it does not look like any of the cast are having fun. Lance Henriksen, who should never have agreed to this role, mumbles and looks off-camera, completely disinterested, for his entire performance.  The dialogue and one-liners are unbearable.

Both the CGI and practical/monster effects are film school level at best. The props (including a yard and house filled with named mannequin parts and torsos) are downright silly, except….

The only thing praiseworthy in the film is the banshee head in the box. It was well made and quite frankly looked eerie when its mouth opened. Of course that’s when the scream happens and the head disintegrates along with any hopes of the film even being remotely watchable.

Starring Lauren Holly and Lance Henriksen
Directed by: Steven C. Miller
Budget / Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 4.0/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 17% audiences liked it

51 (2011)

By Jody. Score: 3/10

In this After Dark Horrorfest-SyFy Channel collaboration, two teams of reporters are given limited access to Area 51 after the military buckles under constant political pressure. Meanwhile, sinister aliens hidden away in the secret areas of the base use this as an opportunity to escape.

The best things that can be said about this film is that they hired a competent cinematographer, and that it does not bore. Otherwise, it is standard SyFy Original Feature garbage. The effects are the worst of the worst and cliche.

The dialogue may have been written by a seventh grader who has played too much Xbox. Anything cool from any other alien movie is present here but not done well in the slightest. I am sure the writers' table banter went something like this:

"Hey remember that cool shot in 'Alien' when Harry Dean Stanton looks up at the Xenomorph and the water ran over its teeth before it bit him? Well, let's do that shot in our movie. Ooh I know, let's give them cool heat vision like the Predators have. Yeah and we should also have a scene where everyone has to be tested in the room to figure out which one is the alien like in 'The Thing'."

For what it's worth, the actors seemed to have fun making this movie, but that type of fun in film making should be left on Youtube and out of the theaters and rental stores.

Starring: Rachel Miner, Jason London, Vanessa Branch, and Bruce Boxleitner
Directed By: Jason Connery (son of Sean, I kid you not)
Budget / Gross: $1,000,000 budget / No Gross - Diect-to-Dvd/Cable Release
IMDB Score: 3.5/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 38% audiences liked it.

The Beverly Hillbillies (1993)

By Greg
Score: 3/10
Ughhh... a popular theme in the 90's was rehashing television shows from the 50's and 60's. Like how the 80's and 90's are popular now. Television shows that are popular in re-runs, should stay being re-ran, not made into major motion pictures. (Of course if someone asked me to pen a script or produce or even direct a film based of a popular television series, I'd do it)

The ever so popular "Beverly Hillbillies" gets the treatment here. If your not familiar with the story, Jed Clampett (Jim Varney) was shooting after some food, he missed, struck oil and became a billionaire. His kin folk said "Hey Jed move away from here (Arkansas), Cali-fornie is the place you ought a be." So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly. Yes indeed, Beverly Hills.

The television show is addicting and fun to watch with the innocence of  period when it was created. It didn't transcend well to 1993. The simplicity of the story didn't fair well. It was more of a caricature of the television show, than a character driven movie. Honestly, these films would do better if they kept it fun, simple and didn't try to impress people. This is just the first of many films that punished beloved TV shows.

In  the film it doesn't take long for the story to get going. The Clampett's move to Cali. and start there life, immediately the socially awkward family is propelled into modern living. The innocence that the TV show had, is lost. Mr. Drysdale (Dabney Coleman) and Miss Hathaway (Lili Tomlin) have the best interest for Jed, but a Junior Executive at the Bank, Woodrow Tyler (Rob Schneider) and his girlfriend Laura Jackson (Lea Thompson) want to embezzle his money. Meanwhile Elly May (Erika Eleniak) and Jethro (Diedrich Bader) want to help Jed find a wife. Doesn't take much to see where the story can go. Tyler and Ms. Jackson plan to get Jed to marry Ms. Jackson so they can get his money. Jethro and Elly May, lost by country bumpkin ignorance let it happen, and only the old and wise Granny (Cloris Leachman) notices something wrong with Ms. Jackson, except she is sent off to a retirement home. It s like a house of cards with half the cards made of tissue paper, there is just no way to make a good structure. It falls on itself and they trip over each other. I felt bad for all the decent actors who fell sucker to be in this film. I loved the old television series and this film was a disaster. I feel dirty for betraying the beloved show with this floozy of a film.

Starring: Jim Varney, Diedrich Bader, Lily Tomlin, Dabney Coleman, Cloris Leachman and Erika Eleniak
Directed by: Penelope Spheeris
Budget/Gross: n/a / $44,029,386 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 4.4/10
Tomatometer: 24% critics and 39% audience liked it

Roadracers (1994)

By Greg
Score: 7/10
 A 50's era film that deals with a young man's struggle with a local Sheriff, rival youth, love, life and his rebellious future. For a great surprise, it was directed and co-written by Robert Rodriguez and with no surprise, its an entertainingly fun ride.

From start to finish the film is fast paced, just as the title is, "Roadracers" races on with a slice of 50's life with Dude (David Arquette) at the wheel. He's a carbon copy image of the greaser, the rebel without a cause, he is dirty and doesn't care. Lubes his hair with so much palmade, that one could slip right off it. He drives a Chevrolet convertible, smokes Lucky Strikes, he is the image of an American rebel. His girlfriend, Donna (Salma Hayek), and best friend Nixer (John Hawkes) are along his rebellious ride against the local Sheriff (William Sadler) who has a grudge against Dude. Not too mention the misguided son of the Sheriff, Teddy Leather,(Jason Wilkes) wants revenge when his girlfriends hair was burnt off in a stray match to the head type accident. Teddy also has two cronies (they don't have names in the film, Crony #1 &#2) to give aid in their pursuit to punish Dude. All the while Dude is living his life fast and hoping not to die faster. He listens to Rock-a-Billy music which he idolizes and eats Hamburgers at a greasy diner with the chef smoking as he prepares the food. The scenery and locales adds to the magic, aside of the diner, there is also the nightclub where the rock n' roll band plays, Dude's home/garage and the local theater where the classic sci-fi film "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" is playing and Nixer is obsessed with. The film all comes to head with violence only Rodriguez could dish out.

 This film is the fifties, this film is the dirty version of "American Graffiti" or "Rebel without a Cause" or even "The Outsiders" which depicted the social struggles of greasers v. socials. Rodriguez captures Americana with this film. He truly is an artist and this film shows a side of the fifties that has gained in popularity over the last decade. I plan to not just support this film, but spread the word and Roadracers is the word.

Starring: David Arquette, Salma Hayek, John Hawkes, William Sadler and Jason Wiles
Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Budget/Gross: $1,000,000 (estimated)/made-for-television
IMDB Rating: 6.3/10
Tomatometer: n/a critics and 66% audience liked it

Double Dragon (1994)

By Greg
Score: 3/10
Alas, another fun filled video game inspired film. Actually, one thing this film has going for it that other video game inspired films don't have is, it doesn't take itself serious. It honestly looks like they're having fun filming this. That is exactly how the film plays out also, they try to make the VG inspired film fun, but its crap. The acting, special effects, everything seems second or even third rate. Actually a three might be a little high, but its so bad, its good, I did find enjoyment at times.

The story is simple, brothers Jimmy (Mark Dacascos) and Billy Lee (Scott Wolf) have half of an ancient medallion, gang boss Koga Shuko (Robert Patrick) obtains the other half. The Lee brothers being martial arts experts,  raised by a woman named Satori (Julia Nickson) must fight their way for the other medallion. With rival gangs, some good and some bad, all wanting power in this futuristic society, its the Lee brothers that need to keep that way and unite the medallion for ultimate good; its their destiny. At one moment there is a hot pursuit chase against Bo Abobo (Nils Allen Stewart), a mini boss to Shuko's gang. The Lee brothers also cross paths with Marian Delario (Alyssa Milano) a leader to a rebel underground gang fighting against Shuko gang, something like Power Corps. It comes down to a final showdown against the Shadow fighters. Ahhh... I wrote more than what was contained in the script. Good prevails.

My memory is foggy about the game, but I do know that you could either be Billy or Jimmy and also Bo Abobo is a mini boss in the game.  There is a lot of fun fighting, but like the movie I got bored with it after awhile. But the film does have humor and brief cameos from Vanna White, George Hamiliton and Andy Dick.

Starring: Mark Dacascos, Scott Wolf, Robert Patrick and Alyssa Milano
Directed by: James Yukich
Budget/Gross: n/a / $2,341,309 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 3.3/10
Tomatometer: 0% critics and 29% audience liked it

Only The Lonely (1991)

By Greg
Score 6/10
A typical romance-comedy, a pleasant surprise though. First, how can you go wrong with John Candy and second, how can you go wrong with the duo of John Hughes and Christopher Columbus. Its just not possible.
Although, I'd never heard of it until a friend shared a film he saw with his wife that he found highly entertaining. So I told I'd check it out.

"Only the Lonely" is about a street beat cop, Danny Muldoon, (John Candy) who lives with his domineering mother, Rose (Maureen O'Hara). When Danny meets a morticians daughter, Theresa Luna, (Ally Sheedy) at the Luna family funeral parlor, sparks fly and the insults from his strong Irish/Catholic mother, who always tells it like it is. Danny is a typical man with the momma's boy complex. He hides Theresa in his bedroom, at one moment and always daydreams about something horrible happening to his mother, prompting a phone call of concern. With the budding romance, culminating to marriage, will Danny choose Theresa or mother Rose.
It is a delightful film, although it feels more of a filler film for Columbus and Candy. Acting is good, but at times just doesn't feel like a complete thought or could have used one more take to select a better clip from. Refreshing to see films legends, O'Hara and Anthony Quinn, a neighbor constantly pursuing for her attention. Even Culkin brothers Macaulay and Kieran make an appearance as nephews to Danny. Also James Belushi has a small role as Danny's police partner.

 Truthfully, the film had a huge shadow that loomed over it once it was released in 1991. A small film called "Home Alone." That film was released as "Only the Lonely" was being filmed. So with the huge success of Home Alone, this flew under the radar and became second rate. Never the less, it is a decent film that follows the rom-com formula that is still popular today.

Starring: John Candy, Maureen O'Hara, Ally Sheedy and James Belushi
Directed and Written by: Christopher Columbus
Budget/Gross: n/a  / $21,830,957 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 6.2/10
Tomatometer: 62% critics and 45% audience liked it

Fertile Ground (2011)

By Jody. Score: 4/10

In another of the After Dark Horrorfest Year 5 entries, a married couple movie out to a country house (owned by the husband's ancestors) to rebuild their lives and marriage after a devastating miscarriage. Little do they know that the house has a 150 year-old cycle where the husband murders the pregnant wife.

Does the Lifetime network for women run supernatuiral thrillers? Because that's where this film belongs: made-for-cable - NOT as part of a series of films that supposedly are too graphic and disturbing for mainstream audiences.

Also, this film more than borrows many of the same "husband descends into madness, wife becomes frightened of him" elements of "The Shining", but let's be real here: Leisha Hailey is no Shelly Duvall and Gale Harold certainly is no Jack Nicholson.

The film, aesthetically speaking, is well shot and has theatrical quality, but in terms of content, is flat and forgettable.

Starring: Gale Harold and Leisha Hailey
Directed by: Adam Gierasch
Budget/Gross: Info Not Available
IMDB Score: 4.6/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 21% audiences liked it

Seconds Apart (2011)

By Jody. Score: 7/10

Jonah and Seth are not your average ordinary twins in this After Dark Horrorfest Year 5 entry. They have the gift of telepathy, which they use wreck havoc on their schoolmates, and the detective who is determined to expose the twins as the psychopaths they truly are.

Using mind control, the twins force their victims into acts of self-mutilation and even suicide, all while documenting it on video.


Real-life twins Edmund and Gary Entin are deliciously creepy, second only in creepiness factor to the little girl twins in "The Shining". Orlando "Make 7-Up Yours" Jones does a fantastic job (reminiscent of Tony Todd) as the detective whose growing obsession with twins threatens his job and his life.

The film fizzles in a few parts, particularly during the sub-plot of the detective's deceased wife, but overall this is a well-done and effective chiller, and easily one of the better After Dark films.

Starring: Edmund Entin, Gary Entin, and Orlando Jones
Directed by Antonio Negret
Budget / Gross: Info Not Avaialable
IMDB Score: 5.6/10
Tomatometer: 66% critics and 41% audiences liked it

Mortal Kombat (1995)

By Greg
Score: 3/10

Oh how excited I was back in 1995 to see this movie. Not because I thought it would be any award winner, but just to see the video game come to life. Ohhh... how I was disappointed. This was horrible, from start to finish and truthfully the film should have been rated "R." The game was known for its violence, especially the whole "Finish Him." The video game pushed the boundaries with mainstream video games, kids wanted it and parents banned it. This film had that chance to do the same, sure "R" rating would have lowered sales, but it sold out, making that quick dollar capitalizing on the game's popularity, like most video game related movies. MK was crap, but it still lingers on.

As it is, the film is based of the video game. Loosely, but does keep all the character, both good and bad. Interweaving a story about how the Outworld Realm needs one more win for total control over the Earthrealm. Lord Rayden (Christopher Lambert, shame on you Highlander) leads three humans; Liu Kang (Robin Shou), Sonya Blade (Bridgette Wilson), and Johnny Cage (Linden Ashby) against Sorcerer Shang Tsung (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) and his band of villainy; Kano (Trevor Goddard), Sub-Zero (Francois Petit), Scorpion (Chris Casamassa) and Reptile (Keith Cooke). So that the gist of it, good v. evil.

Shang Tsung needs this last win for total domination. He's a soul swallower and a shape shifter, able to assume any of his victims. Of course he has swallowed one too many, and one soul brings extreme vengeance, Liu Kang wants his brother back and Tsung has his soul. So its up to Liu to fight for it. Sonya desires vengeance and prosecution against Kano, a rat in the black market, total scum. Johnny Cage is just vain and wants to prove that his acting isn't just an act and he too can fight like the rest. Rayden is leading those good guys against Tsung's really bad guys, the yin and yang, Sub-Zero and Scorpion. Ice and Fire. Along the way they each learn lessons about themselves and how to work as a team and not give into their individuals weaknesses. Liu is given the duty to be the sole fighter against Shang Tsung, for the obvious reasons I stated earlier. No surprises, the fighting and special effects wear thin. Definite choreographed fight sequences, the viewer can predict five moves ahead of the action. Special effects weren't that special in '95 and now, kindergartners are doing more on an I-Pad. Of course good prevails and even try to hype for the inevitable sequel (to be reviewed at a later date.) Shao Kahn, the Emperor of Outworld appears at the end challenging the good guys.

Of course I saved Goro for the end. He is a man with four arms and looks very hokey. With all the technology available this was the best they could do. He doesn't just look fake, but ridiculous. He's in the game and is quite difficult to defeat. Even in the film the depict him to be this huge challenge, but he's a farce. The best part about it, was that I fell for the urban legend that Arnold Swarzenegger was Goro. Even as I sat in the theatre, I couldn't wait to see Arnold portray this Beast. And then out walks this piece of crap. I laugh hysterically thinking, "Jeez... this is horrible." Both to the theater and back home, my friend and I listened to the soundtrack that my friend bought when the video game came out, with all these techno remixes of "MORTAL KOMBAT" It was addicting, but even those guilty pleasure songs are better than the film.

 

 

Starring: Christopher Lambert, Robin Shou, Bridgette Wilson and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Budget/Gross: $18,000,000 (estimated)/$70,454,098 (USA)

IMDB Rating: 5.5/10

Tomatometer: 34% critics and 55% audience liked it