Angus (1995)

By Greg
Score: 7/10

When it comes to the classic coming of age films, Angus should make the list. Its on mine. Its a tale of Angus (Charlie Talbert) a great student, standout football player and a heavy set individual who struggles with his life on a daily basis. He lives with his high spirited mom Meg (Kathy Bates) and ever so wise and war torn grandfather, Ivan (George C. Scott), also Angus has his best friend Troy (Chris Owen, Sherman/Sherminator of American Pie series fame) who also battles with social awkwardness.

Angus also has always had two things that add to his struggles. First, a crush on school hottie/cheerleader, Melissa (Ariana Richards) and Second, always coming in second to school quarterback/Mr. Popular, Rick (James Van Der Beek). Rick has the girl, the looks and since he is the football quarterback, he overshadows Angus's ability at defensive lineman which he excels at. Although this is a mere small portion of the film. The film deals with how Angus must learn to gain confidence in himself to overcome his angst. Having to dance with his crush Melissa is one thing, but Angus is also a super scholar. So he also needs to impress upon a judge for a great scholarship in science. All this culminates at the dance, in true teen angst film brilliance. Along the way Angus has other hurdles in life to deal with, but they too are life's lessons that help us to make those decisions that guide our lives and give us strength.

Its an uplifting film, and personally it helped me through some struggles way back in 1995 when I saw it in theatres with friends. After seeing it, I held my head higher at school, it hit me in a spot that helped to propel me through that final year of high school. Worst part, the test of time didn't bode to well with the film, that's why its a 7 and not an 8, a definite glimpse on the mid nineties though.

Starring: Charlie Talbert, Chris Owen, George C. Scott and Kathy Bates
Directed by: Patrick Read Johnson
Budget/Gross: N/A / $4,821,759 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 6.3/10
Tomatometer: 36% critics and 65% audience liked it

Heavy Weights (1995)

By Greg
Score 6/10

When I think of films that involve summer camps, my mind goes straight to the Friday the 13th series or Meatballs. (Not the lousy sequels, only the Bill Murray 1979 classic) Heavy Weights takes a stab at the summer camp story with the dreaded fat camp. Although myself I never endured a summer camp, films like Heavy Weights lets me appreciate what I didn't miss.

This film is the harrowing tale of Gerry (Aaron Schwartz), a boy who is husky and sent off to Camp Hope, a camp for fat kids. Gerry is the portrait of American male youth. He's genuine, sincere and struggling to find appreciation with parents/adults and his peers, especially the ladies. Upon arriving he easily fits in with the rest of his cabin mates and Camp Counselor, Pat. (Tom McGowan) Of course the fat camp paradise of hidden treats and "The Blob", a giant inflatable that launches one in the air when another lands on the opposing end, comes to a sudden halt when camp owners Harvey and Alice Bushkin (real life couple Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara) have to sell the camp due to a crooked accountant. The camp is sold to Tony Perkins (Ben Stiller), an extreme fitness nut and wants to use the fat camp as a background for a fitness program and video aimed at the chunky youth of America.

Of course, plenty of fat jokes, camp jokes and awkward situations for any young male boy. an awkward dance with a camp of girls. Gerry prevails. Pat and Gerry have some heartfelt touching moments. It all comes to the traditional camp film ending of going head to head with an opposing and much more elite summer camp. Will Camp Hope prevail? Only this Disney classic film tells that tale.

The film is a favorite filler for cable networks, its Disney so the film is mellow with the jokes and if the viewer can get past the hokey jokes, its not a bad movie. Judd Apatow co-wrote the film with Stephen Brill who also directed. Plenty of other actors that have made names for themselves also appear in the film. Its a fun film to watch with the family, kids or alone.

Starring: Aaron Schwartz, Tom McGowan and Ben Stiller
Directed by: Stephen Brill
Budget/Gross: N/A and $17,689,177 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 6.3/10
Tomatometer: 20% critics and 75% audience liked it

Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations (2009)

By Jody. Score: 5/10

An Afterdark Horrorfest III selection, this sequel bears no relation in characters to the original 2004 Ashton Kutcher thriller, but continues the series in terms of theme and narrative only. Like Evan (Kutcher) in the first film, Sam (Chris Carmack) has the ability to time travel his consciousness into the body of his previous self.

Knowing the serious consequences and ripple effect of interfering with the past, his only mission is to observe and witness murders to bring the killers to justice in the present. After he is convinced to save his murdered girlfriend from her deadly fate, he throws consequences to the wind to save her (with increasingly disastrous results).

It is disappointing that one of the coolest films of the 2000’s has been reduced to what will likely turn into an endless supply of direct-to-video sequels. That said, this entry (much better than the second one, I am told) is actually fairly engaging and suspenseful. In fact, if not for some sub-par acting by supporting characters, an obnoxiously gratuitous sex scene, and very silly last 2 minutes, I would have given this film high recommendations.

Starring Chris Carmack and Rachel Miner
Dirceted By: Seth Grossman
Budget/Gross: $4.5 mil / Direct-to-DVD and festival release only
IMDB Score: 5.7/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 38% audiences 

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
by Greg
Score 7/10

In the tradition of Evil Dead 2, Shaun of the Dead, Fido, and many others; horror/comedy is a genre beloved by many. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil can now be added to that list. It blends humor and horror perfectly with the right amount compassion.
Director/ Writer, Eli Craig, studied the dynamics of horror films and then skewed the perspective in order to achieve the old analogy "you can't judge a book by looking at the cover."
Tucker(Alan Tudyk) and Dale(Tyler Labine) are two good-ole Southern boys, who recently purchased a dream of theirs: a vacation home. Any first sighting of these two would make anyone judge them wrong. Along the way we meet a group of college kids, heading to the same locale in hopes of sex, drugs and sleeping on the exact spot of a massacre 20 years prior.
With this case of mistaken identity, Tucker and Dale converge against the narrow-minded nieve college kids on the first night. Doing a little night fishing and beer drinking the kids decide to do some skinny dipping. Allison(Katrina Bowden) climbs to the top of a rock formation, stripping down all the while Dale and Tucker watch on, or atleast Tucker does, Dale is a gentle giant who covers his eyes. Ally being startled by T & D, falls and bangs her head. Dale rescuers her only, the kids see this as T & D hurting her and stalking them.
Now with paranoia high with the college clan, misguided leader Chad(Jesse Moss), who also has a vendetta against any hillbilly, want to retrieve Allsion/Ally from Tucker and Dale and they will use excess force. One by one each of the college kids tries to stop T & D only to fail, consequently killing themselves in an awkward accidents. T & D view it as suicide while the college kids view it as being slaughtered by T & D.

The film hits the spot, it is like a good cup of coffee on a nice cool October day. Its not perfect, but it fills the body with warmth and joy. I mean this in the way that if not taken too seriously and critical, the film is really entertaining. Some of the acting was a bit of a stretch. Mostly from Dale, he's really good at playing the sensitive Hillbilly, except at times, its over the top with his acting sensitive. Overly critical I know, but I noticed it all too often.

Starring: Tyler Labine, Alan Tudyk and Katrina Bowden
Directed: Eli Craig
Budget/Gross: N/A / $213,555 (USA) November 6, 2011 (still in theatres)
IMDB Rating: 7.6/10
Tomatometer 88% critics and 84% audience liked it

YellowBrickRoad (2011)

By Jody. Score: 4/10

Seventy years ago, an entire town of people stopped what they were doing and walked up a mountain trail, never to be seen again. In modern day, a expidion team hikes the trail, determined to solve the mystery.

One of the Bloody-Disgusting Selcet titles (seems like there are a lot of studios jumping on the After Dark Horrorfest bandwagons - see also Dimension Extreme, Ghost House Underground, Fangoria Frightfest, etc.), "YellowBrickRoad" is a slow-cooking chronicle of a group's descent into madness and mass-hysteria. Slow cooking is a gamble, and one that this film loses.

To use a food metaphor, you can slow cook a steak or a stew, but you gotta flip it/stir it every now and agan. The reward is a nice juicy cut of fresh meat or a tender and savory bowl of stew. This film never bothers to flip us or to stir us but rathers lets us sit and sit until the final product is an overcooked, dry steak or a stew that has burned on the bottom of the pan.

It's boring is what I am saying.

Starring: Cassidy Freeman, Anessa Ramsey, and Laura Heisler
Directed by: Andy Mitton and Jesse Holland
Budget / Gross: $500K / Direct-to-DVD
IMDB Score: 4.5/10
Tomatometer: 40% critics and 30% audiences liked it

 

The Maze (2010)

By Jody. Score: 3/10

Five adults sneak into a corn maze after hours only to be picked off one-by-one. Basically, it's a run-of-the-mill slasher flick...

...and one of the most laziest and uninspired ones I've ever seen, which yet again is a major disappointment for me.Proper corn mazes (at night especially) are scary, and a breezy 80-minute slasher (this one drags on at 90 minutes) with a killer in a good costume or mask (who could pop out anytime/anywhere) would have been just what the doctor ordered this late in the season.

Instead, the killer is a petite man with a switchblade dressed in a red hoodie .The corn maze part of the narrative lasts only half the movie, at which time the narrative switches to the killer's perspective, though the narrative never gives us the courtesy of any kind of character development or exposition into the killer's motives.

The deaths are a joke. The blatantly obvious fake plastic knife is often visibly bent. The filmmakers use CGI fire (ok to be fair, you probably can't use real fire in a cornfield, but at least do a better job).  Lastly, there were little-to-no sound effects, so it seems they didn't even hire a Foley. I am surprised the film quality looked as good as it did - about the only thing done competently in this film.

Starring: a bunch of shorts actors and production assistants of shorts
Directed by: Stephen Shimek
Budget / Gross: $200K / Direct-to-DVD
IMDB Score: 3.8/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics and 15% audiences liked it

Exorcismus (2010)

By Jody. Score: 5/10

After showing signs of demonic possession, a teenage girl turns to her priest uncle after her atheist parents' attempts to cure her with science fail. Basically, this is a cookie-cutter exorcism movie that is very well-made and (mostly) well-acted, especially for a film produced by the Independent Film Channel.

In fact, for about exactly 1 hour, this is arguably the best exorcism movie made, save for "The Exorcist". Then the plot takes an out-of-nowhere u-turn and downward spirals so quickly, that all scares and credibility fly out the window resulting in generally disappointment and a weak climax.

Starring: Sophie Vasseur, Stephen Billington, and Douglas Bradley (a.k.a. "Pinhead)
Directed by: Manual Carbello
Budget / Gross: U.S. info not available. Budget was 1.5 mil Euros.
IMDB score: 5.2/10
Tomatometer: 33% critics and 22% audiences liked it.

Borderland (2007)

By Jody. Score: 7/10

Nearing graduation, three college students vacation in Mexico and find their lives in danger after they unwittingly get caught up in a drug cartel and a satanic cult that practices human sacrifice. This After Dark Horrorfest II entry is based on true events.

All the elements of a well-made horror film (suspense, action, pacing, gore, human interest, etc.) are present in perfect balance, and the production values are very solid. Rider Strong and Sean Astin are very good in their roles of the would-be human sacrifice and psychopath, respectively.

Also, the "based on true events" is not abused in this film as the DVD itself states that while the events are true, the characters and their specific actions were fictionalized. This takes away the element of "there's no way anybody could know what's happening right now to tell the tale after the fact." What the filmmakers did was take what evidence was documented by Mexican police and constructed an interesting narrative of what might have happened.

One of the three main guys' acting skills needed work, and the gore was a little much in a couple of scenes (bordering torture-porn levels), but not only is this one of the best Horrorfest films, but a well-made and engaging film overall.

Starring: Brian Presley, Rider Strong, Jake Muxworthy, and Sean Astin
Directed by: Zev Berman
Budget / Gross: (info not available)
IMDB Score: 5.7/10
Tomatometer: 100% critics and 43% audiences liked it

After Dark Horrorfest II Summary

Borderland – 7/10
Crazy Eights – 2/10
The Deaths of Ian Stone – 7/10
Frontier(s) - 8/10
Lake Dead – 5/10
Mulberry St. – 4/10
Nightmare Man – 3/10
Tooth and Nail – 5/10
Unearthed – 4/10

Average Score: 5.0/10
Best Movie: Frontier(s)
Worst Movie: Crazy Eights

Highest IMDB Score: Frontier(s) (6.1/10)
Highest Critic Tomatometer: Borderland (100% liked it)
Hightest Audience Tomatometer: Frontier(s) (57% liked it)

Lowest IMDB Score: Crazy Eights (3.9/10)
Lowest Critic Tomatometer: Crazy Eights and Unearthed (0% liked it)
Lowest Audience Tomatometer: Unearthed (11% liked it)

After Dark Horrorfest I Summary

The Abandoned - 6/10
Dark Ride - 4/10
Gravedancers - 6/10
The Hamiltons - 7/10
Penny Dreadful - 3/10
Reincarnation - 7/10
Unrest - 5/10
Wicked Little Things - 6/10

Average Score: 5.5/10
Best Movie: Reincarnation
Worst Movie: Penny Dreadful

Highest IMDB Score: Reincarnation (6.1/10)
Highest Critic Tomatometer: The Gravedancers (89% liked it)
Hightest Audience Tomatometer: Reincarnation (64% liked it)

Lowest IMDB Score: Dark Ride (4.7/10)
Lowest Critic Tomatometer: Dark Ride (0% liked it)
Lowest Audience Tomatometer: Dark Ride (36% liked it)

I Spit On Your Grave (2010)

By Jody. Score: 2/10

This is a remake of the controversial 1970's exploitation flick in which a woman is raped and tortured by several men, and she returns for revenge, killing them in brutal ways.

The supposed reason films like this and Craven's "Last House on the Left" was to warn people not to let themselves get into these kind if situations, but that's a bit extreme and unnecessary as far as I'm concerned. Nowadays, I think we are a little bit more educated.

I do not need to see graphic depictions of rape to know how evil it is. In fact, there is no reason at all to watch this sick and despicable (though well made, aesthetically speaking) movie.

Starring: Sarah Butler, Jeff Branson, and Andrew Howard
Directed by: Steven R. Monroe
Budget / Gross: $1.5 mil / $92K
IMDB Score: 6.3/10 (what??????)
Tomatometer: 35% critics and 50% audiences liked it (wow.....)

The Hamiltons (2006)

By Jody. 7/10

After the death of their parents, four siblings move from town-to-town, assuming new identities, killing to survive, and feeding something they keep hidden in the basement. The story is told through the youngest sibling, Francis, as he attempts to deal his guilt and disgust for his family's actions by filtering reality though his video camera.

While easily one of the best of the After Dark Horrorfest I movies, fair warning is in order as this movie is not for everyone. The production values are low and some of the acting is over-the-top. My guess is this film is cast with primarily theatre actors (other than the opening sequence which features Brittany Daniel). That said, the opening credits show that this movie was made with the help of San Francisco Independent Cinema production company, so you know going in it is a low, low budget indie production.

The focus of this film is not so much on the killings, but rather a look into the sick and twisted dynamic of a family that will do anything to survive. The latter is far scarier anyway. There is some disturbing content and taboo breaking that replace the typical horror conventions used to shock an audience. 

Starring: Corey Knauf, Samuel Child, Joseph McKelheer, and McKenzie Firgens

Directed by: The Butcher Brothers

Budget / Gross: (info not available)

IMDB Score: 5.2/10

Tomatometer: 50% critics and 40% audiences liked it

Rinne (Reincarnation) (2005)

By Jody. Score: 7/10

A serial killer massacres eleven people in a hotel. 18 years later, the ghosts of the victims haunt the set of a film production of those events. One of the cast members is the reincarnation of the murderer.

This movie comes from the director of both the American and Japanese verisons of "The Grudge 1 and 2" and is leaps and bounds better than any of those.

This movie has some of the creepiest imagery (with fantastic doll effects, old-school style - not CGI) of the After Dark Horrorfest I movies and is arguably the best from that set.

The only downside was I often struggled with being able to tell who is who. No, I'm not trying to be racist, but the film switches between present and flashes of the past, and well, the female characters do look very similar. I had to result to identifying them by their clothes. (One character wears a shirt that reads "Vanilla Fudge", so she was easier to keep track of).

This movie is a great horror movie all around and the best Asian ghost movie I've seen.

Starring: Yuka, Karina, and Kippeu Shiina (lol)

Directed by: Takashi Shimzu

Budget / Gross: (info not available)

IMDB Score: 6.1/10

Tomatometer: 66% critics and 64% audiences liked it

The Abandoned (2006)

By Jody. Score: 6/10

Long lost siblings inadvertently reunite in the abandoned Russian house they were born in. Weird crap happens. That's the best I can do for a synopsis since it took three viewings to scrape the surface of understanding exactly what is going on in this movie.

It has a very David Lynch-ian sort of narrative structure. There are time loops, weird (but cool) reverse effects, and undead doppelgangers that whatever happens to the doppelgangers, happens to the living counterparts.

As the voted "fan favorite" of the After Dark Horrorfest I, this movie scored a limited re-release in theaters, hence my three viewings. Originally not one of my favorites (or even that well-liked) of the series, I wanted to try to figure out what everyone else saw in it. The production vales are solid enough, but overall it's an acquired taste...

Starring: Anastasia Hille and Karel Roden
Directed by: Nacho Cerda
Budget / Gross: $3 mil / $1.4 mil
IMDB Score: 5.8/10
Tomatometer: 36% critics and 46% audiences liked it

Penny Dreadful (2006)

By Jody. Score: 3/10

Traumatized by a childhood car accident that killed her family, Penny (Rachel Miner) enlists the help of a psychologist to help her overcome her fear of cars. An accident results in a faceoff between Penny and a psychotic hitchhiker.

For the better part of 54 minutes, Penny is trapped alone in the car while her tormentor lurks outside. Tom Hanks has the skill to make two hours of screen time on a deserted island fly by. Ryan Reynolds too has the acting chops to engage a viewer for 70 minutes while buried underground. Rachel Miner.... not so much; her crying and screaming made just less than an hour feel like an eternity.

The elements of fear and claustrophobia are effectively conveyed; it's just too long of a movie. As a feature film, it is absolutely boring. As an episode of a weekly procedural, "Criminal Minds" for example, it would work much better. This is one of the most boring After Dark Horrorfest I films.

Starring: Rachel Miner and Mimi Rogers
Directed by: Richard Brandes

Budget / Gross: (info not available)
IMDB Score: 5.1/10
Tomatometer: 66% critics and 40% audiences liked it

The Gravedancers (2006)

By Jody. Score: 6/10

Three adults inadvertantly anger evil spirits when they dance and party over some graves after the death of their mutual friend. After weeks of mental torment and physical attacks, the trio enlist the help of a paranormal investigator.

Ok, so it sounds hokey on paper, but this movie is very effective and enjoyable, and one of the best of the After Dark Horrorfest I films. Two things kept this very good film from being great. First, Dominic Percell ("Prison Break"s Lincoln Burrows) delivers an absoultely flat and monotone performance. Second, the CGI effects in the climax are actually rather hilarious - so bad they are almost good (almost).

Director Mike Mendez, who made a fake trailer for the film to get it financed, has a record of making good "bad movies". He set out to make a film that was scary without taking itself too seriously, and he has succeeded.

Starring: Dominic Percell, Clare Kramer, and Tcheky Karyo
Directed by: Mike Mendez
Budget / Gross: (info not available)
IMDB Score: 5.6/10
Tomatometer: 89% critics / 49% audiences liked it

My Soul To Take (2010)

By Jody. Score: 4/10

Seven teenagers share their birthday with the the night a serial killer, "The Reaper", is supposedly killed. Sixteen years later, the murders resume and either the killer really didn't die or his soul was passed into one of the seven children. Or his soul is split into 7 parts, one each for the seven babies born that night. It's never quite clear which.

One-time "Master of Suspense" Wes Craven's attempt to combine the "Scream" whodunit formula with the concept of a supernatural killer results in a jumbled mess of a movie that I really, really wanted to like.

Confusing giant bird metaphors, high school bullying, and multiple red herrings become overbearing in this already sloppy execution of what could have been a modern Craven Classic.

Starring: Max Theriot, John Magaro, Denzel Whitaker, and Emily Meade

Directed by: Wes Craven

Budget / Gross: $25 mil / $14.6 mil

IMDB Score: 4.6/10

Tomatometer: 9% critics and 28% audiences liked it

Wicked Little Things (2006)

By Jody. Score: 6/10

In 1919, a mine accident trapped and killed many children who were forced to work in there. Now, every night they come out from the mine to kill and eat, taking vengeance on the descendants of those who enslaved them.

I can't really figure out, are they zombies or spirits? A little of both I suppose, but it doesn't really matter. They are totally creepy with their all black eyes and insatiable appetites.

Originally intended to be a Tobe Hooper vehicle, this movie is not perfect by any standards. It does work for what it is: a great B-movie and a fresh take on the zombie genre. The one thing that stands out in my mind is that the child actors are going to need therapy after making this movie. The dismembering and eating scenes are fairly graphic.

Starring: Lori Heuring, Scout Taylor-Compton, and Chole Grace Moretz
Directed By: J.S. Cardone
Budget / Gross: (info not available)
IMDB Score: 5.0/10
Tomatometer: 40% critics and 40% audiences liked it

Dark Ride (2006)

By Jody. Score: 4/10

Six spring breakers spend the night in a funhouse where murders took place years earlier. The psycho killer returns to his old haunt for fresh victims including "The Sopranos" star Jamie-Lynn Sigler and "The Sandlot"s Patrick Renna.

This is perhaps the most disappointing After Dark Horrorfest I entry. Actually, that's being too nice. It is the most angering. Why, you ask? Because this movie has some of the best and creepy cinematography and set designs I have seen in a long time, and they are absolutely WASTED on a terrible, terrible script.. The killer, with his little porcelain boy mask, is truly frightening, and the tension builds while he is on the prowl - you never know when he is going to pop up.

Unfortunately, it is too hard to separate these very positive aspects, along with an excellent opening sequence, from the general rubbish of the rest of the film. Of the approximate 90 minute run time, maybe 35 minutes (and that's being generous) have anything going on - the rest is just a bunch of mostly unlikable and unengaging coeds flapping their gums. A hitchhiker they pick up goes on a three minute tyraid about music. Later, they spend about ten minutes revealing the exposition about the killer.

It is a standard horror film convention for the characters to do the obviously wrong thing, but this film deals that out in spades. So much so, that there's far more frustration than joy in watching this film.

Starring: Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Patrick Renna, and Jennifer Tisdale (Ashley's sister)
Directed By: Craig Singer
Budget / Gross: (info not available)
IMDB Score: 4.7/10
Tomatometer: 0% critics and 36% audiences liked it

Unrest (2006)

By Jody. Score: 5/10

Four medical students are tormented by an evil spirit, and the haunting may be related to the female cadaver that they are dissecting in their anatomy class. Despite the skepticism of her male compatriots, Allison, the sole female of the group, is determined to "solve the mystery" and find out the identity of the cadaver and why she has self-inflicted wounds. A selection from the After Dark Horrorfest I, this film’s gimmick is the use of real human cadavers in some scenes.

This film is competently shot and put together. The characters are fairly standard (the lead girl, the sensitive guy, the obnoxious douche bag and the reserved one). The use of cold, drab colors and overtones are effective. Allison’s vulnerability and the questioning of her values and beliefs come through in Corri English’s performance.

However, everything about this movie is forced: music (persistent, obnoxious tribal chanting in some scenes), sound effects, character interactions, dialogue -  everything. The general plot itself is fine, but a dialogue overhaul and a little fact-checking could have done wonders. The use of the real cadavers neither adds nor takes anything away from the film.

This is an average supernatural chiller that plays out very similar to an episode of Scooby Doo, though not nearly as fun.

Starring: Corri English, Scot Davis, Jay Jablonksi, and Joshua Alba (brother of Jessica)

Directed By: Jason Todd Ispon

Budget / Gross: $2.5 mil / (n/a)

IMDB score: 5.2/10

Tomatometer: 33% critics and 41% audiences liked it

Chain Letter (2010)

By Jody. Score: 1/10

A serial killer uses chains in creative ways to kill off those who do not forward his chain letter. Not a bad concept, honestly. This movie is not associated with Christopher Pike's novel of the same name, which is more of an "I Know What You Did Last Summer" story.

The nugget of a promising concept is consumed by shoddy filmmaking and a terrible script. The choppy editing looks like it was done by a first-year film student. The kills are interesting and gory enough, but here again is another preachy movie. This film is a running commentary on how there is too much technology, and we are losing all of our privacy to the Internet, Twitter, Facebook, etc. That may be true, but I don't need a slasher movie to cram this point down my throat.

That isn't the biggest problem, however. This movie has no third act or climax. Seriuosly. A major character uncovers some major expostion, which would typically lead to a showdown with the killer. Nope. All of that is skipped and cuts right to that characters death scene, with no explanaition of what happened in between. Basically, it is an unfinished move and a waste of the viewers time. No wonder it was pulled from theaters after just one week.

Starring: Nikki Reed, Keith David, Brad Dourif, and Charles Fleischer
Directed by: Deon Taylor
Budget / Gross: $5 mil / $138K
IMDB Score: 3.9/10
Tomatometer: 25% critics and 19% audiences liked it

Dream House (2011)

By Jody. Score: 4/10

All I keep hearing about is the supposed "trailer assassination" (in which a film's box office is hurt either by too much given away or misleading information is implied by the film's trailer). It is true, I was left scratching my head as to why such a big reveal was given away in the trailer. 

However, it doesn't matter. This movie is already unengaging and not scary in the slightest. If it were as good as say, "The Sixth Sense", the trailer spoliers wouldn't matter. People would come anyway. It's boring, predictable, and emotionally flat. Very suprising for a director whose filmography includes so many Oscar-nominated films. 

Starring: Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, and Naomi Watts

Directed by: Jim Sheridan

Budget / Gross: $55 mil / $14 mil+ (still in theaters)

IMDB Score: 5.5/10

Tomatometer: 8% critics and 42% audiences liked it

Monsters (2010)

By Jody. Score: 6/10

A NASA space probe returns to earth with some unwelcome visitors that grow into giant tentacled creatures, resulting in the majority of Mexico being quarantined. Two Americans must journey through the quarantined zone to get home.

"Monsters" is a true experiment in guerrilla filmmaking. This film was shot for $15K with post production and special effects done by director Gareth Edwards on his laptop. Knowing this, for what it is, it's a fascinating study in independent filmmaking. That said, the synopsis in the first paragraph is misleading. The poster is misleading. Honestly, even the title is misleading.

There are two schools of thought on this film. The first is to unabashedly praise it for doing so much with so little. Then there are the people who want to turn the film into a political statement to make Americans look like evil war mongerers. "Who are the real 'monsters' of the story?" is supposedly what the director is trying to potray under the guise of a monster movie according to other reviews, message boards, etc.

The second school of thought is to dismiss it as an incredibly boring disappointment because there are very few (and far bewteen scenes) that contain the monsters. A monster movie is promised, but a slow cooking love story is delivered.

To be truthful, both camps are right. It's incredible and inspiring what one can accomplish with $15K. On the other hand, it is boring and has a dragging pace at times with unnecessary setup for creature attack sequences that too often turned out to be false alarms.

Starring: Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able
Directed by: Gareth Edwards
Budget/Gross: $15K / $237K
IMDB Score: 6.4/10
Tomatometer: 71% critics and 49% audiences liked it

31Days, 31Films 2011 Edition by Greg

Here it is, that time again. October, a season of change, Halloween fun and 31 films of Horror/Halloween-esque content in 31 days. Along with Jody, the focus is on quality with a 6 cumulative rating and 16 of the films being new/unseen first viewing. With a personal twist this year, I'm going to stay with the 90's. Atleast majority, but not all.

*1 - Frankenstein Unbound (1990) 5/10
2 - Bram Stokers Dracula (1992) 7/10
*3 - Joyride (1997) 3/10
*4 - Blood & Donuts (1995) 6/10
*5 - Wizard of Gore (1970) 2/10
*6 - The Addiction (1995) 6/10
*7 - Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010) 7/10
*8 - Igor (2008) 4/10
9 - Thinner (1996) 6/10
10 - Monster House (2006) 8/10
*11 - Red State (2011) 7/10
12 - So I Married An Axe Murderer  (1993) 6/10
13 - Idle Hands (1999) 7/10
*14 - Stephen Kings IT (1990) 5/10
15 - John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) 9/10
*16 - Quarantine (2008) 7/10
17 - Hocus Pocus (1993) 6/10
*18 - Sweeney Todd (2008) 8/10
*19 - Candyman (1992) 7/10
20 - Fido (2006) 8/10
*21 - Jacob's Ladder (1990) 7/10
*22 - Pinocchio's Revenge (1996) 2/10
23 - Ravenous (1999) 6/10
24 - Scream (1996) 9/10
25 - I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) 7/10
26 - Scream 2 (1997) 7/10
*27 - Dead Alive (1992) 6/10
28 - Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) 8/10
29 - Urban Legend (1998) 6/10
30 - Scary Movie (2000) 6/10
31 - Slither (2006) 6/10
*32 - Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) 3/10
33 - Halloween (1978) 10/10
34 - Halloween II (1980) 8/10
35 - Halloween H20 (1998) 7/10
36 - Trick R Treat (2007) 9/10

Average Total Rating -  6.42
New films watched - 16
* Some are classics, just never fully watched, just researched for pop culture purposes.
Best New - Sweeney Todd 8/10
Best Overall  - Halloween (1978) 10/10
Worst New and Overall - Pinocchio's Revenge 2/10

Already planning for next year. Organization this year helped, so next year's will be better. I always enjoy a theme week. This year was Scream and a few direct clones, with the parody thrown in for fun. I'll try to top my 36, but that was a fluke. I had oodles of extra time the final two weekends, plus films kept getting added.

Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011)

By Jody. Score 3/10

a.k.a. Part 8 of the series that originated from a Stephen King short story (not counting the SyFy remake of the original). This time, the spirit of "he who walks behind the rows" possesses the child son of a sadistic preacher and his mail-order Russian bride, which means bad news for a young (and pregnant) married couple that find themselves stranded with car trouble.

Now normally, the creepy religious kids kill all the parents/adults in town. Anyone who has seen the other entries knows this. This time the preacher and his wife are left alive to recruit women to keep producing more "children of the corn".

Ok, I'll buy that. That's an appropriate plot for a direct-to-video 8'th entry to a franchise that has long-since jumped the shark and hasn't had a theatrical release since the second film.

The problem is that it so boring. It has a running time of 80 minutes, of which I'd estimate about 1/3 is wasted on dream sequences and "artistic visions". Billy Drago, who plays the preacher, looks off to the lower corner of the screen (very disinterestedly) and mumbles for his ENTIRE preformance. Too bad, he plays a villian well in tv's "Charmed".

The kills are very lazy, uninspired, and barely shown on screen. Overall, a pointless and unentertaining sequel.

Starring: Billy Drago and Duane Whitaker
Directed By: Joel Soisson (Dimension Films' staple direct-to-video director)
Budget/Statistics: N/A
IMDB score: 4.3/10
Tomatometer: 0% critics and 9% audiences liked it

31 Days of Halloween 2011

By Jody.

My annual ritual of watching at least (but not limited to) one horror/holiday-themed movie for every day of the month. The only rules are to watch at least 16 films I have never seen each year and to keep the average score above 6 (forces me to not watch only garbage titles).

1. Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011) 3/10
2. Monsters (2010) 6/10
3. Dream House (2011) 4/10
4. Chain Letter (2010) 1/10
5. The Gravedancers (2006) 6/10
6. My Soul To Take (2010) 4/10
7. Penny Dreadful (2006) 3/10
8. The Hamiltons (2006) 7/10
9. Reincarnation (2005) 7/10
10. Unrest (2006) 5/10
11. Dark Ride (2006) 4/10
12. Wicked Little Things (2006) 6/10
13. The Abandoned (2006) 6/10
14. Nightmare Man (2007) 3/10
15. Trollhunter (2010) 8/10
16. Quarantine 2: Terminal (2011) 6/10
17. I Spit On Your Grave (2010) 2/10
18. Frontier(s) (2007) 8/10
19. Crazy Eights (2007) 2/10
20. Unearthed (2007) 4/10
21. The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007) 7/10
22. The Thing (1982) 9/10
23. The Thing (2011) 7/10
24. Mulberry Street (2007) 4/10
25. Lake Dead (2007) 5/10
26. Borderland (2007) 7/10
27. Tooth and Nail (2007) 5/10
28. Paranormal Activity 2 (2010) 6/10
29. Red State (2011) 6/10
30. Paranormal Activity 3 (2011) 7/10
31. YellowBrickRoad (2011) 4/10
32. Exorcismus (2010) 5/10
33. The Maze (2010) 3/10
34. The Devil's Backbone (2001) 8/10
35. Mother's Day (2011) 7/10

Final Statistics:
Total Films Watched: 35 (success)
New Films Watched: 16 (success)
Average Score: 5.3/10 (fail)

Best New Movie: The Devil's Backbone
Worst New Movie: Chain Letter
Best Movie Overall: The Thing (1982)
Worst Movie Overall: Chain Letter

Due to Best Buy's incompetence and crappy return policy, I spent most of the month sans BluRay player, hence my staples (Halloween, Trick 'R Treat, Nightmare Before Christmas) do not appear on the list this year. There's always next year.

Now... on to holiday video game releases and DVR catchup.....

Carpool (1996)

After taking a brief hiatus, I'm back with:
Carpool (1996)

by Greg Score: 3/10

As it goes for crap-tastic films this ranks up there. I know, I know, why did it get a 3. Well, collective its crappyness does relate to over the top hi jinks with brief moments of humor where I did indeed laugh. Plus my son watched it with me and he giggled at the slapstick, physical comedy and cringed when something dangerous happened. He's 3.

First we meet Daniel Miller (David Paymer), an overworked individual with an uber-important presentation at work, but his wife is ill and needs Daniel to take her turn as the Carpool driver. After brief negotiations he agrees and the adventure begins. Upon picking up the kids, David drives to Hammermans, an upscale convenience store.  Now we meet Franklin Laszlo (Tom Arnold) who is there for donuts, but in classic 90's trend, they don't have donuts. Donuts are for heathens, uncivilized folk, at Hammermans they serve croissants, danishes, scones, etc. (Personally I love all pastries) Franklin has a heated discussion at the checkout with an employee. Meanwhile, thieves Neil and Jerry interrupt Franklin, who is then interrupted by an elderly bystander brandishing a gun. Franklin not wanting to feel left out pulls out his own pistol, battles Detective Erdman(Kim Coates) when he tries to leave the store and taking David as hostage. Now fleeing the scene, he takes Davids van and the five kids from the carpool. Its all typical fare from here; car chases, eluding police, disguising the van with purple spray paint, a chase scene in a mall from meter maid(Rhea Perlman). Eventually David pleas to Franklin to let him make his important presentation to Mr. Hammerman( Rod Steiger). (yep, he owns the convenience store that Franklin robbed earlier) So, Franklin wants to help David with the presentation. Of course, they nail it despite David's boss cringing. Ultimately David quits his job to work along side Franklin in their own business.

It's a vehicle film for Arnold and he's better as a supporting cast. It worked in "Roseanne" or "True Lies" as comic relief or bumbling moron, here, he's just an unfunny moron. Bottom line, David finds his journey of self discovery about friendship, parenting and working for yourself with a job you'll enjoy. Too bad over the top childish acting from Arnold and weak plot structure ruins the film. Another note, Rachel Leigh Cook of "She's All That" fame is one of the carpool kids.

Starring: Tom Arnold, David Paymer, Rhea Perlman, Rod Steiger and Kim Coates
Directed by: Arthur Hiller
Budget/Gross: $17,000,000(estimated)/  $3,308,758 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 4/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics/ 39% audience liked it

Natural Born Killers (1994) : QT Retrospective Part 2

By Jody. Score: 4/10

Originally titled "Thrill Killers" about a newlywed couple so madly in love with each other that they go on a murder spree, this movie is the second feature film to be written, but not directed by QT. However, director Oliver Stone and his screenwriters changed the script so much, turning it into a political statement and sort of a "shame on you" to the American public for its supposed gratification of stylized and graphic depictions of violence, that QT's credit was downgraded to "Story By".

So, how does Oliver Stone try to chastise the movie-going public with this film? By cramming 2 hours of stylized and graphic depictions of violence in a completely obnoxious and morally devoid manner.

Of course the film was highly controversial. QT hated what they did to his script, but wished them well all the same. Coke, who allowed their logo and polar bear commercials to be used in the film, was furious. Warner Bros. was so unhappy with the film, that immediately upon contractual agreements were complete, they disavowed and removed all logos from the film. Lionsgate released the film on DVD in 2000, but Warner Bros. once again decided to be associated with it when it released the director's cut BluRay, which is said to be even more violent (the NC-17 cut of the film).

I love when films are controversial because so very seldom does the actual content of the film warrant the controversy. To all the "Catherine Did It" protestors of Basic Instinct, settle down. Just because she is bisexual and a murderer, doesn't mean the film is implying bisexuals are murderers. Same to my fellow Christians who still feel the burn form Scorsese's Last Temptation of Christ, easy there cowboys, the filmmaker is giving a "what if" scenario, not trying to debunk Biblical events. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to like it, but let people decide for themselves whether to buy a ticket or click their remotes to something else.

Whoa that was a sudden digression to my anti-censorship and freedom of speech soapbox. I'm supposed to be talking about QT, but since this has so little to do with him, it's hard to stay on topic. I dislike this film, not because of its content or admittedly original/rare style, but I really don't like to be preached to cinematically.

Does it make any sense to chastise an obese person by giving them a chocolate cake? Does it make sense to say to help a problem gambler by giving them money and dropping them off at a casino? Because that's what Stone does with this film by getting all up in your face about it.

Starring: Woody Harrelson, Juliette Lewis, Tom Sizemore, Robert Downey Jr., and Tommy Lee Jones
Directed by: Oliver Stone
Budget/Gross: $34 mil / $50.3 mil
IMDB Score: 7.1/10
Tomatometer: 47% critics and 80% audiences liked it

Mixed Nuts (1994)

By Greg
Score: 4/10

This is a film that should have been great, a satire with a dynamic cast and a director(Nora Ephron) just coming off a huge hit. (Sleepless in Seattle) The film should have been a household name and viewed traditionally every Christmas. But the film is weak and sadly I am going to blame the cast, crew and director. On the plus side, the film does have moments that aren't altogether bad.

Like myself, for those who are un-familiar with the film, it takes place on Christmas Eve in Venice Beach. A crisis helpline, Lifesavers, is in need itself, it is facing eviction. Plus socially inept Phillip (Steve Martin) runs the hotline, he has two assistants Mrs. Munchnik (Madeline Kahn) and Catherine (Rita Wilson) who have no clue to the eviction and too have social issues. Catherine is single and lives with her mother and secretly desires Phillip. Mrs. Munchnik is trying to visit with her deceased husbands family. Problems ensue for her and her attempt to make it, in the elevator or a fruit cake smashing her windshield. Then we meet Gracie (Juliette Lewis) and Felix (Anthony LaPagalia) a dysfunctional couple trying to work things out, plus Gracie is pregnant. She is trying to get away from Felix so she heads to the hotline's location to be with her friend Catherine, whom she met at an AA meeting. Catherine was trying to meet a man, not because she had a drinking problem. Plus landlord Stanley (Garry Shandling) evicting the entire building, Louie (Adam Sandler) a lousy singer/songwriter with a ukulele and Mr. Lobel (Robert Klein) a dog walker with hatred towards Lifesavers. There are the rollerblading materialistic couple (Parker Posey and Jon Stewart) trying to get the perfect Christmas Tree to their house only to be foiled by Felix three times. Finally we meet a caller, Chris (Liev Schreiber), with an identity crisis, who adds an extra stir to this wondrous bowl of "mixed nuts."

I'd say the Chris character steals the movie, Liev Schreiber plays the character perfectly, a man who plays a woman, struggling with this life choice, its comedic perfection. He is worth a viewing all on its own. Mrs. Munchnik is a treat, just because it Madeline Kahn. She has this ability and a voice that pierces deep within. Even a one line cameo by Haley Joel Osmont in his second film, is better than other supporting actors. The rest of the cast, just seem to fawlter. With weak performances and a sloopy editing, this I felt fell upon the director. It may have been the overwhelming cast or poor comedic timing, it was just enough for the film to be forgettable, which isn't necessarily a bad thing.


Starring: Steve Martin, Madeline Kahn, Rita Wilson, Juliette Lewis, Anthony LaPagalia, Liev Schreiber, Adam Sandler, Garry Shandling, Rob Reiner, Parker Posey, Jon Stewart and Robert Klein
Directed by: Nora Ephron, also wrote it with sister Delia Ephron
Budget/Gross: $15,000,000 (estimated)/ $6,798,240 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 5/10
Tomatometer: 7% critics / 46% audiences liked it

Cop and a ½ (1993)

By Greg
Score: 2/10
Basically, a young boy dreams of one day being a cop. Most little boys have this dream. Little Devon an eight year old who lives with his grandmother(Ruby Dee) is an exception, he actually becomes a cop. He plays police at school with friends, watches all the shows on television, listens for the sirens to catch the action, dreaming to one day be that super cop. One day he ventures off to a warehouse. Where he witnesses, wanna-be mobsters murder one of their own, with a chicken leg taped to his mouth so he can swim with the fishes. No... I'm not kidding here.

So reporting it to the police when they arrive on scene, veteran cop/detective Nick McKenna (legendary Burt Reynolds) is teamed up with the boy when ordered by Captain Rubio(Holland Taylor). Devon has a license plate number and key information about these mobsters. Hijinks and hilarity ensue, even at one point Devon has his principal pulled over and Devon gives him a ticket. Again... I'm not kidding.

Inevitably hard core McKenna softens up to Devon. During the final confrontation, McKenna is shot in the arm and has to have young Devon drive a speed boat to safety. Once trapped they have to jump the boat onto the dock, they succeed while mobsters fail, only to have chum dropped upon them by Devon.

It's bad, sure it's a family film aimed towards the younger audience, but newcomer Norman has difficulty delivering his lines almost seems forced and over the top Reynolds clearly had say what he could wear and drive in the movie, a 1968 Camaro with five point harness to boot. Plus the film was directed by the Fonz... Henry Winkler. Nope... still not kidding

Starring: Norman D. Golden II, Burt Reynolds, Ruby Dee and Holland Taylor
Directed by: Henry Winkler
Budget/Gross: N/A / $31,888,805 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 3.3/10
Tomatometer: 17% critics / 33% audience liked it

Lost & Found (1999)

By Greg
Score: 3/10
Let's meet Dylan Ramsey (David Spade), no relation to Gordon Ramsey (famed chef from Hell's Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares), a failing restaurateur in need of another bank loan to expand his business. His social life is dim because he isn't the ladies man, although I feel the viewer is led to believe he is. This leads the story to new neighbor and cellist, Lila Dubois (Sophie Marceau) and Dylan feel compelled to meet her. Noticing her deep attachment to her dog, Jack, he decides to kidnap it in order to reap the rewards. Its only for a few days. No harm, no foul. I will return the dog unharmed, heck I will even pretend to search for the dog. Yup, only David Spade.

Problems arise: first, the dog consumes his friend's engagement ring and second, Lila's ex-boyfriend Rene (Patrick Bruel) shows up to help and get Lila back. The Rene character is more likable than the Dylan character, in the Rene scenes its hard to not root for Rene.
 So now Dylan must keep the dog hidden, try to retrieve the ring from its feces, old joke and poorly executed in this film. Dylan enlists his dim witted, hefty employee Wally (Artie Lange) to aid in getting the ring back and keeping the dog away from Lila and Rene.

All the while, Dylan forms a romance with Lila as Rene starts to sniff things out. It all climaxes to a huge dinner where Dylan needs to impress the bank's head lending officer (Martin Sheen), get the ring to his friend so he can propose to girlfriend and obtain an interview with the L.A. Philharmonic for Lila. It does all come together, only in a moment a sheer admittance to all his evil doings does Lila finds out that he kidnapped Jack. Ahhh... poor Dylan. But, it is a romance-comedy all is forgiven and Spade get Marceau, he did co-write the film, of course he'll get the tall French attractive woman.

The film loses all appeal with David Spade; good old sneaky, sleazy, slimy Spade character he made famous from his SNL days. This film came a few years after the loss of Chris Farley and seeing Spade on the big screen only brings back his better buddy films. An obvious attempt at widening his acting range, Spade couldn't handle the lead by himself. At the time of this films release, Spade was on the sitcom "Just Shoot Me." The character on that show had the same sleaze as the Dylan character, only to enhance his character of womanizer sleaze for the current "Rules of Engagement." Plus another noticeable trend, lead women going bra-less. Its not a bad thing, just a 90's trend I recently noticed. With Jennifer Aniston, Rachel character from Friends reviving a similar trend to the "jiggle vision" days of "Charlie's Angels."

Starring: David Spade, Sophie Marceau,Patrick Bruel and Artie Lange
Directed By: Jeff Pollack
Budget/Gross:  $13,000,000 (estimated)/$6,545,360 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 4.7/10
Tomatometer: 13% critics / 30% audiences liked it

True Romance (1993): QT Retrospective Part 1

By Jody. Score 9/10

When one hears “Quentin Tarantino”, one tends to think: “Pulp Fiction”, “Kill Bill”, or even “Inglorious Basterds”. What one often doesn’t know is that he actually wrote 3 movies in the 90s that he didn’t direct for various reasons.

The first one, True Romance, is an unsung masterpiece and one of QT’s finest scripts, which is the story of Clarence (Slater) and Alabama (Arquette), two newlyweds who inadvertently steal a suitcase of cocaine and try to unload in in Hollywood while on the run from drug dealers, the cops, and the mob.       

All the QT staples are present: brilliant dialogue filled with pop culture references, intertwining references to characters and events from his other films, unabashed used of racial slurs, and classic pop tracks on the soundtrack (though these were overpowered by the same very recognizable marimba theme that plays throughout half of the film).

That is one way that Quentin’s version of the film would have played out better. His films always have the perfect blend of pre-recorded pop tracks with unique instrumentals. Many criticize Romance’s soundtrack stating that it sounds more like a jungle adventure that a gritty action love story.

On the other hand, according to the commentary, while Tony Scott kept Quentin’s script completely in-tact, he did change the ending. This actually was a good change as Quentin’s ending was much darker, and didn’t fit with the otherwise fun and almost whimsical general tone of the film.

This film is chock full of stars in small roles but fantastic performances, most notably Dennis Hopper as Clarence’s father, Brad Pit as a stoner, and a younger, thinner James Gandolfini as a mob hitman.

Though inexplicably a commercial failure at the box office, True Romance is a great movie for anybody because the intense and well-edited climax is worth the payoff for those potentially disinterested in the slower romance and dialogue-focused scenes early in the film, and those engaged by the latter will want to stick around to see what happens to the star-crossed lovers. I love all aspects of the film.

Starring: Christian Slater, Patricia Arquette, Dennis Hopper, Gary Oldman, Brad Pitt, and Val Kilmer
Directed by: Tony Scott
Budget/Gross: $13 mil / $12.3 mil
IMDB Score: 7.9/10
Tomatometer: 91% critics and 90% audiences liked it

Don Juan DeMarco (1994)

By Greg
Score: 7/10

Johnny Depp is Don Juan DeMarco, pursued and loved by ladies everywhere. I guess here is an example of life as art as life.
The film actually surprised as being decent. It was well written, acted and directed.

The story is simple, Don Juan DeMarco (Johnny Depp) is suicidal after a woman he pursues denies his love. Psychiatrist Dr. Jack Mickler (Marlon Brando) is called by police to talk to him down. Making a connection  immediately with him, Don Juan is taken to a psych ward. Handed off to another doctor, but not willing to talk, Dr. Jack is given the chance. He's is two weeks from retirement and Don Juan is given ten days til he sees judge. Don Juan just wants Dr. Jack to hear his story before he takes medication for any underlying psychological problems. Its Dr. Jack's job to get to the truth, is he or is he not Don Juan, famed Spanish lover to 1500+ women.

Don Juan tells his tale, along the way Jack and his wife Marilyn (Faye Dunaway) re-kindle their romance and its fun to see their transition parallel Don Juan's tale.

Definite film for Depp fans, half the time you see chest if not no shirt. Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway show why they are stars, they light up the screen with presence. Its fun to see heavy Brando exercise in one scene and put the move on Dunaway, but Depp is the one to watch with his perfect portrayl of Don Juan. A 1990's plus, Bryan Adams song "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman," became a hit.

Starring: Johnny Depp, Marlon Brando and Faye Dunaway
Directed By: Jeremy Leven
Budget/Gross: $25,000,000 (estimated)/$66,200,000 (Worldwide)
IMDB Score: 6.6/10
Tomatometer: 73% critics / 70% audiences liked it

Bicentennial Man (1999)

By Greg
Score: 5/10
What would it be like to live for 200 years? The stories that could be told, the experiences and knowledge obtained, the possibilities of what could happen to a single individual in 200 years is endless.

In the film we meet Andrew (Robin Williams) he is a robot designed to perform household tasks. The Martin family realizes after a few days that their simple robot is displaying independent thinking and begins to do things not asked of him. Sir Richard(Sam Neil) and Little Miss Amanda (Hallie Kate Eisenberg from Pepsi commercial fame) become attached to him and assist in his new found talents. Ma'am Martin and older sister Miss Grace look at him as the maid robot he should be, even at one point Miss Grace asks Andrew to jump out the window, which he promptly does. In turn it draws attention to Andrew and his abilities to do free thinking. Andrew goes to the shore with Miss and Little Miss. Little Miss plays with some crystal animals, her favorite being a horse. She hands it to Andrew who can't grasp it, falling to the ground and shattering. Little Miss becomes distraught and tells Andrew she hates him. Andrew with "free thinking" studies horses and wood-craving and creates a wooden horse from driftwood. Little Miss forms a new love and bond with Andrew. Its this bond with Little Miss that starts that seed in Andrew's positronic brain to seek out more creative thoughts. Sir Martin also encourages Andrews new talents, which becomes finacially lucrative for Andrew. They head to NorthAm Robotics to seek out an answer for Andrews talents, only the president calls him a "Household appliance" and want him "fixed"(positronic brain erased and reloaded) so Sir Martin takes Andrew home with no change.

With some time lapses into the future, the MArtin family ages as Andrew stays the same, Andrew cuts his thumb accidently and back to NorthAm. Wanting repairs to be done, facial implants to show expression. Blah blah blah....... basically, Andrews travels the world to find other like him and he meets robot mechanic Rupert Burns (Oliver Platt) who has created a female robot, Galatea, from similar robots to Andrew. Together they create a skin for Andrew and then organs, blood, hair so Andrew can assimilate himself to be human. Andrew fall is love with Little Misses granddaughter Portia Charney (Embeth Davidtz), together they seek out Andrew's declaration to be human and is denied. As they age together Portia and Andrew want there marriage and love validated. On their deathbed, lying next to each other, what Andrew waited 200 years for comes... His admittance to humanity.

The film does display good humor and touching heart felt momnets, but its long. The script has these holes and nothing visual can fill them, even Robin Williams has been tamed for this film, part of his attempt at other outlets than straight comedy. Not althogether bad, just 30 minutes too long, the lapses in time aren't explained well and the film can be hard to foloow.

Starring: Robin Williams, Sam Neil, Embeth Davidtz and Oliver Platt
Directed By: Chris Columbus
Budget/Gross: $100,000,000 (estimated)/ $93,700,000 (Worldwide)
IMDB Rating: 6.4/10
Tomatometer: 37% critics / 58% audiences liked it

Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)

By Greg
Score: 2/10
So raise your hands if you saw Police Academy.... Okay, good. How about sequels 2 through 4... Okay, not as many. And maybe Numbers 5 and 6.... I'm losing people quick. Finally, Police Academy: Mission to Moscow.... Anyone? Anyone?

Yep, I did. As for the film, it's flimsy, the jokes are stale (it is the seventh after all) and Guttenberg did not make it back since he left in 4.  Which honestly the film franchise suffered after he left, I know I just admitted that Guttenberg made a film successful.

Five years after we last saw the police crew from there "Siege in the City" Only five original cast members are around to display their trademark hi jinks, except it just falters. The familiarities are all there, Commandant Lassard (George Gaynes) is clueless as he gets lost in Moscow and is unknowingly adopted by a Russian family. Sgt. Tackleberry (David Graf) still carries his 44 Magnum, while Sargent Jones (Michael Winslow) weakly still does sound effects, are there any left that we haven't heard before. Captain Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) still rocks her curvaceous body for the Russians and Captain Harris (G.W. Bailey) returns to keeping things in order.

The story is simple, Russian Mafia Boss Konstantine Konali (Ron Perlman) developed a popular video game and is about to release the sequel that will give him back door access to security systems of police and government agencies. Commandant Alexandrei Rakov (Christopher Lee, clearly before his rise back to notoriety from LOTR and Count Dooku) calls upon the Police Academy to assist in foiling Konali's plan. Newcomers for this final go around: Cadet Kyle Connors (think Guttenberg's Mahoney, except not as smooth); Katrina (Claire Forlani), a Russian Police officer and counterpart to Connors; and Lt. Talinsky (Gregg Berger) counterpart to Captain Harris.

Fortunately, the film is quick and painful, but for anyone that stuck around for the previous six. It is worth a viewing. It could've been worse, unsure how, but could've been.

Starring: George Gaynes, Michael Winslow, David Graf, Leslie Easterbrook, G.W. Bailey, Christopher Lee and Ron Perlman
Directed By: Alan Metter
Gross: $126,247 (USA)
IMDB Rating: 2.7/10
Tomatometer: N/A critics / 37% audiences liked it

Problem Child 2 (1991)

By Greg
Score: 5/10

Just when it was safe, He's Back... Junior. Red hair and all. The dynamic duo of Junior (Michael Oliver) and Little Ben (John Ritter) take the mischief to the divorcee capital of the world... Mortville. Little Ben has found business success and women are flocking to his door to be with him. Junior is at a new school and not making any friends. Plus, Big Ben (Jack Warden) comes to live with the duo, due to the havoc that Junior brought to him. Trouble begins for Junior. He has competition with a little girl, Trixie (Ivyann Schwan) whose antics bring shame to her mother, Annie (Amy Yasbeck) the school nurse. Little Ben finds camaraderie with Annie and their shared interest.... devious kids. Trixie and Junior battle each other with fireworks, twisty rides at the carnival, a fire hose, etc.

Similar jokes and gags to the first. Ultimately Junior and Trixie have a fondness to bring their parents together, except an evil witch, Lawanda (Laraine Newman), has her grasp on Little Ben. Big Ben pushes Little Ben into the relationship to Lawanda because Ben wants Junior to have a mother. Now only the power of the "love rock" can break up the wedding.

Its fun to watch the antics unfold in the film. It takes it up notch with the personal grossness, extreme vomiting can only go so far, plus there is another moment that really makes me cringe. The first film edged out a better rating from me because I found the first has better repeat viewing qualities. Check em' both out. It worth the time, back to back preferably.

Starring: John Ritter, Michael Oliver, Amy Yasbeck, Laraine Newman, Jack Warden and Ivyann Schwan

Directed By: Brian Levant

Gross: $25,104,700 (USA)

IMDB Score: 3.6/10

Tomatometer: 17% critics / 33% audiences